IN. MY. PANTS!
While I was WEARING them!
I shit you not.
How did I find it? Well, it went something like this.
Get dressed. Decide to wear almost-too-tight stretch capri jeans because it's warm but not warm enough for shorts and the lack of full length mirrors in our case allow me to perpetuate the myth that I am truly still a size 8.
Come downstairs to do some blogging and Twittering (and we all know how long THAT can take... 5 minutes, right???).
Go back upstairs to tend to ignored children.
Put Gretel down for her nap.
Walk around aimlessly picking up toys, tidying up, blahblah whatever.
Feel something kinda scratchy, kinda itchy on my inner thigh.
Determine it feels almost like a loose end to one of those thin-plastic-tag-holder-on thingies.
Scratch at itchy thigh area and tug a little at almost-too-tight capris to try to adjust whatever-it-is that is causing my discomfort.
Feel THROUGH THE JEANS a small bump beneath the fabric.
(Take a moment to quickly go through my head the small handful of things that could possibly be substantial enough to be felt through denim.)
(Feel panic start to set in.)
Casually undo button and zipper and s-l-o-w-l-y peel almost-too-tight capris downward so the insides turn outward because I know that if this itchy/scratchy thing is what I think it is I am going to want IT as far away from ME as possible and will need easy access to the thing that I am hoping it's not in order to brush it away.
Then I see it. On the inside of my almost-too-tight capris.
BIG. BLACK. And it starts RUNNING.
BACK INTO MY PANTS.
Quick flick. Leap out of almost-too-tight capris in a single bound. Find still stunned spider on floor. Grab toddler cup toy thing to cover and trap it.
Inspect my leg and see that the spider paired with the almost-too-tight capri jeans left a mark.
On my tender thigh flesh!
Run back and forth though my house in my skivvies searching for my digital camera b/c OMG this would make a great blog post!
And here it is...