Monday, October 30, 2006

Getting Along: Don't Forget the Innocent Bystanders (BioKids)

I don't like Cinderella's BioMom Malificent.
Now, that's not fair to say. You don't really know her.
Yes I do. She's Cinderella's Mom.
Suddenly we realized that The Boy has witnessed more than he should with regards to Cinderella's BioMom Malificent. (Ha! I like the sound of that! Humor me for the rest of this post, woulldya?)
This day he was in the back seat of the car while Hubby was talking* on the phone with her about the latest and greatest drama.
(*Being yelled at is more like it and The Boy heard every word because Malificent's voice isn't very... umm... soft and delicate like that of a lady.)
In our efforts to shield Cinderella from the tumultous relationship between her Parents, we neglected to take The Boy into consideration.
He's too young to understand or care. Malificent is of no consequence to Him so we don't need to worry about Him.
Wrong. We're such Ninnies.
Malificent may not matter to Him, but We matter. The Boy has been witness to one-too-many heated discussions both with and about Her throughout most of his Life. (Man, this bullshit has gone on for.far.too.long.)
He doesn't like what's he's seen.
He doesn't like seeing Mommy and Daddy upset.
He knows when Malificent is the cause of this stress and disharmony and sees its affect on our delicate family structure.
Now is where our Parenting Skills are put to the ultimate test. Where we must put aside our personal feelings for this Witch and help our son preserve a positive impression of his Sister's Mother.
We validate what he already knows.
Yes, Daddy and Malificent sometimes argue. And yes you have heard Malificent yell at Daddy. But they are trying their best not to argue. Sometimes grown-ups make bad choices when they are upset.
We try an defend her actions as best we can. Both for his and Cinderella's sake. The last thing we want is for The Boy to express this sentiment to Cinderella.
Malificent loves Cinderella very much, just like Daddy does.
We remind him that he must be Respectful. Remind him that Cinderella loves her Mom very much and he musn't say bad things about her. We point out that Malificent is always nice to Him and he needs to try to remember his manners.
Yes, but she is not nice to Daddy.
She is trying. We all are.
At that point I wanted to pick up the phone and unleash years of pent-up anger and hostility because now her poison was seeping further into our Family and affecting my son.
You goddamn selfish Witch are you happy now? Will you not stop until each and every member of my family grows to hate you and needs therapy just like the rest of us?!?!?! CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?!?!?
But I knew better. I knew it would do nothing to help matters.
Hubby and I feel like shit for letting this happen. For letting this vile woman touch our son's emotions in such a negative way. We feel irresponsible; as if we haven't respected him as an important member of the family who needs protecting from this situation.
Hubby and I vowed to each other to be more diligent in shielding ALL of the children from the unpleasantries of our wounded relationship with Malificent.
More diligent towards getting along.
Commited to making things work.

Absentee Note

Dear Internet,

Please excuse Wicked Stepmom's recent absence over the past several weeks. You see, she's been suffering from a bit of writer's block.

(Not for lack of things to write about. Her Blogger Dashboard currently has about 1/2 dozen drafts because WHOOBOY! there's plenty going on-and not just in the Stepmom arena-which will hopefully prove useful to those readers who continue to lurk linger waiting for some useful insight into the world of Stepmotherhood.)

(Which leads her to also wonder if she has done the right thing by defining herself as a Wicked Stepmom because she is so much more than that, but that's another post altogether. Oh JOY! Another draft to clog up her Blogger Dashboard!)

In case you were wondering, her lack of focus is due in part of being off her happy pills. This was purely unintentional and more a combination of (1) forgetting to call in the prescription in a timely manner and (2) lacking the moulah needed to pay for these out-of-pocket because, yes, she is still without adequate health coverage.

Thankfully some relief is in sight and she hopes to get back on some regular posting schedule post haste and promises that she is working hard at completing her make-up work.


Friday, October 27, 2006

Happy No. 5

Love hides in the strangest places.

[Like on our livingroom floor this night, the night of our Fifth Wedding Anniversary.]
Love hides in familiar faces.
[I am brought back to the night He proposed. We ate Burger King. He popped the question in our darkened bedroom lit only by the soft glow of Christmas lights in the windows.]
Love hides inside the rainbow.

[Or in this case, the glass of champagne! We're so cliche!]
Love hides in molecular structures.
[Or gets covered by them so I can't see the details DAMMIT so now I must chug the damn champagne already so we can get a closer look at the sparkly new bauble!]

Love is the answer...

Monday, October 16, 2006

Surviving the E.P.A.

Eczema. Peanut Allergy. Asthma.
A triple-threat that I knew nothing about until recently.
The Boy had/has all Three. Apparently that's not uncommon. I wish someone would have told me!
The Eczema appeared when he was an infant during his first winter. His legs showing the tell-tale scaly dry red patches. Thankfully it was mild. Easily controlled with liberal applications of Eucerin every night before bed. It's all but disappeared now. Last winter, his 3rd, it was undetectable.
The same might be true for his Peanut Allergy. Again, his reaction was mild and most likely just a sensitivity rather then a full-blown allergy but fuck if I'm going to test that out now. No sirree.
I'll leave that to the professionals. An allergist. Just as soon as we get insurance.
Now we add Asthma to the Fun List of Chronic Ailments Designed to Rattle Mommies Already Too Fragile Mental & Emotional State.
A recent cold ended in an emergency weekend visit to his pediatrician and a diagnosis of Asthma. The trigger being the gobs of mucous created by his cold. Again, it seems to be mild like the others. I hope it stays that way.
We now carry and Epi-pen AND inhaler with a clunky mask attachment with us wherever we go.
That aforementioned bubble is looking more and more appealing with every passing day.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Sticks and Stones

I don't want you to be my Mother anymore!
His Words struck like a Sledgehammer deep within my chest. Crushing me and stopping me dead in my tracks. I couldn't go on. I was incapable of continuing with this battle-of-the-wills.
A battle forged over an unfinished bowl of Cheerios and an unfilled prescription of Happy pills.
I shut down at that moment. Dropping the phone and disconnecting from my desperate call for Help as much as from my Emotions.
This won't end well if I allow it to go any further.
The Boy has been picking up some very interesting phrases lately both from School and the Big Glowing Box. But these Words and this Thought were all his own. Realizing the power they had over me, he repeated it.
I don't like you! I don't want you to be my Mother anymore!
(Stop it. Stop it. Please just stop. I'll do anything by MY GOD please stop saying those words because they strike at the very heart of my Insecurities and my Guilt as a mother.)
Sticks and Stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.
Bite me you big Stoopid DOODYHEAD. They do hurt.

Sunday, October 8, 2006

Weapons of Mass Destruction

Or living proof that Vampires do exist.

Oh, and I checked but La Leche League doesn't have any pamphlets on how to breastfeed a vampire baby without getting, umm... punctured.

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

An Inconvenient Truth

The silence was deafening.
But I had kept my silence for too long. For too long I had tried to convince myself that things were not as they were. I shouldn't feel this way. It should be easier.
Thou shall not should on yourself.
That's what my therapist used to tell me.
Should causes guilt. Guilt causes anger. Anger causes more guilt.
I'd been stuck in this vicious cycle for years now and it was time to break free.
I owed it to myself. I owed it to my children. I owed it to Cinderella.
I knew that this would not be an easy conversation to have with Hubby. How does one go about telling their spouse that you need a break from their child? That your personalities do not mix and are causing you stress?
But the Truth was, I did. I needed to step back. Detach. Disengage from the responsibilities that had been thrust upon me.
Responsibilities that were assumed by myself as much as Hubby and BioMom.
I was feeling resentful over having these responsibilities. The resentment only intensified by the constant reminders that I have no Rights.
As a result I watched as our relationships suffered. Mine. Hubby's. Hers.
I couldn't cope. I was feeling too overwhelmed with trying to compensate for the guilt and anger while being a good Mother, Wife and StepMom.
I was losing the battle with my Emotions and my Family was suffering for it.
I'm telling you this as much for Cinderella as I am for myself.
I hoped Hubby would see that.
He was hurt and disappointed by my admission. I expected no less.
My request was not a Convenient one but it was honest. The most honest I had been with him regarding Cinderella. He was appreciative of my honesty. And like me did not want to create any undue stress on anyone.
He honored my request and made arrangements that provide Cinderella and I the distance we need.
I hope that taking this step back will help me to Step Up towards being the kind of Mom and Stepmom that I want to be. The kind that our Kids deserve.