Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Vindication

I talked to Mommy tonight.
Cinderella promised she would set the record straight with her Mom regarding this recent discovery. A discovery that reiterated the need for therapeutic intervention for Cinderella who continues to be barraged and influenced and confused by Maleficent's trash-talk. Her diarrhea of the mouth creates a struggle of conflicting emotions within Cinderella. Deep down she knows her mother is wrong. But on the surface she wants so desperately to keep her on that HERO pedestal to which our kids raise us.
A Bioparent's hold over our children is strong. We should use our superpowers for good and not evil.
It'd be too easy for me to condition Hansel to despise Maleficent. TOO EASY.
She's already done most of the work for me.
(Instead I do everything in my power to prevent that. I'd even go so far as threaten punishment if I should ever hear Hansel utter the words "I don't like Maleficent" again because YES he did say that and YES I agreed with him COM-PLETE-LY but I do not want my son feeling - let alone EXPRESSING - that sentiment about his Sister's mother.)
My feelings towards Maleficent are MINE. Not Hansel's.
Maleficent's feelings towards me should not be forced upon Cinderella.
Cinderella struggles to retain her own emotional independence and to speak up for herself.
But it's hard. Mommy told me I should never question her.
We've been trying to help her find the courage.
This night was a huge step for her.
I haven't talked to Mommy before tonight because I didn't want to do it over the phone. I wanted to be face-to-face so I could really explain things to her and know that she heard me.
I told her that I didn't tell her the entire truth about the time I thought you called me the "B" word. And about when I told her that you guys yell at me for no reason.
And I asked her to stop speaking bad about you because it hurts my feelings and I know it hurts your feelings to.
The things she said and how she said them caught me by complete surprise. Not only did she stand up for herself, but she also stood up for ME.
"Wow, Babe. Thank You."
Wow, indeed.
Like I said. HUGE step.

3 comments:

canape said...

Good for her. I'm way proud.

And, I hope I have a similar story soon. I've been having what sound like the same conversations with Lovely about how when she lies to her mother, it hurts everyone. Most of all, it hurts her and her ability to be her own person.

It's a big thing to learn. They think (I think) they are helping their relationship with their mother, keeping the peace, making her feel better, or something. But they are really just doing long term damage to all involved.

Julie said...

Wow! What a mature conversation Cinderalla had! She sounds so well thought and well spoken. It warms my heart that she would stand up for herself and you like that - I can't imagine how good it must make you feel!

I am always surprised whenever Sunshine acts in some way that I have taught her. I try not to expect it (less disappointment that way).

MoonNStarMommy said...

Wonderful when those steps are big and in the right direction... I have an 11 and 5 year old too... and a step daughter