Monday, July 2, 2007

In Your Face

I recently joined FaceBook.
(And Wink. And Pownce. And Jaiku. And Twitku.)
(Seriously, I don't know what I am doing on all of these social networks. I'm really not that sociable.)
While nosing around FaceBook I decided I would join some groups.
Figured I would start by looking for some Stepmom & Stepparenting groups.
I was amazed when I saw Anti-Stepmom groups, started mostly by teenage girls.

"My stepmom yells at me for no reason."

"My Stepmom is a whore."

"Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Snow White was poisioned by her stepmom! Cinderella got locked in a broom closet! What's Great about Cinderella and Snow White is that they escaped and one day you will to!"

I was offended! I wanted to join these groups right away and set these girls straight.
But then I found myself wondering: Are these opinions based on fact?
Are these Stepmoms actually treating their Stepkids unfairly?
Do these girls' Stepmoms yell more than their Biomoms do/would?
Have they embraced their wickedness a little too much?
Or are they mere misinterpretations influenced by the negative stereotypes of Stepmoms?
Are these girls just being less forgiving b/c of the lack of a biological connection with their Stepmoms?
Does the lack of biological connection cause an absence of unconditional love?
The answer is probably yes to all of it. And to so much more.
I left these groups alone. These girls don't need me, a Stepmom, telling them shit about their lives or their Stepmoms.
Instead I've turned my focus inward. Towards the Mom in my Mirror.
I've been examinig my relationship with Cinderella.
I wonder, what will she post about me on her MySpace or FaceBook page?
Will it be anything different?
And, more importantly, will it be the truth?


Maternal Mirth said...

The most likely reason these girls/boys/kids in general feel that way is either:
1. Their step-parents really ARE wicked.
2. They have been coached by bio-p's that their step-p's are wicked.

And I am willing to bet that the later is the more common of the two... just a hunch.


Julie said...

I have wondered those same things about my stepdaughter, especially when I read about stepmoms who had great relationships with their stepkids, or raised them from birth, or are their only present mother figure and their stepkids end up hating them at some point for no apparent reason.

I don't think I can do any more than what I am already doing for her, so hopefully it will turn out alright.

Rose said...

Those girls are probably saying the same kind of stuff about their bio-moms somewhere else. It's a teen thing, it's just easier to target a step-parent.

Defessa said...

Thanks for the fun blog!

When ever I need a laugh I read my stepdaughter's blog du jour. (she changes it to elude me--but I always find it)

In her world her problems are (in order) Me, Dad, younger halfsister, younger halfbrother.

Anonymous said...

I actually did have a hard time with my stepmother. I am 24 now and barely have a relationship with my father because she is still very much present and makes it clear that I am not welcome in her home (though my little sister lives there).

I have the same problems with my mother though.

I wish I'd had a stepmother that actually cared. The problem with mine was that she treated my father's children (and still does, actually) like second class citizens in their own home. My dad was perfectly fine with this. Her kids always got taken care of first, then the parents and then us. Its frustrating but true.

I would hope that Cinderella will not hate you as she gets older. She has a relationship with you (or so it seems from reading your blog) that I never had with any of my parents, step or bio. She will probably go through the teenage angst and "hate" everyone at some point but as long as you show her you love her and you show her she is more than welcome in your home, family and hearts she will see that.

Anonymous said...

I am a custodial stepmom to a beautiful and intelligent 13 yr old girl. I also have a daughter of my own, she is 7. I am actually more strict on my own daughter, b/c of the guilt I carry for what my Stepdaughter's mother DOES NOT do in her life. It is very sad. The bio mom sends no monetary support...well about $100 worth of medical for the year after maxing out my husbands deductible w/o notifying him when she took Step daughter to every dr. imaginable in the 4 weeks she had her over the summer. The bio mom NEVER comes to see her and calls her about every 3 days. No quality conversation....terribly sad...The step children need to place blame somewhere and unfortunately we are the easiest target. They know they are loved by us steppartents and see daily the sacrifices and time we make to be with them and raise them, which only illuminates the fact that the bio parents are uninvolved, unsupportive, and full of idle words and broken promiese, missing birthday gifts, etc. I love my stepdaughter and just get physically ill at her bio mom's actions toward her. I know she love me and I try all the time not to take any negativity in our relationship personally...b/c we are both the victims of the bio mom's choices....but as a Christian God reminds me quite frequently that it is the bio mom's actions that allow this precious child to be in my life...and for that I am forever grateful....