Thursday, July 12, 2007

Always Be Prepared

I should have been a Boy Scout.
Then I would have been prepared.
Prepared for the recent revelation that Cinderella has been speaking poorly about Prince Charming and I to her friends.
And Maleficent.
I know. I shouldn't be surprised.
I am sure I said unkind things about my Mom when I was younger.
But I wasn't prepared for it to be happening so soon with Cinderella.
She is not quite 11.
We had a recent exchange in which I called her behavior "bitchy."
(Well, she was!)
In her mind, I called her a bitch.
She told her Mother. And her best friend.
"Well... she's the bitch." Her friend responded.
And then proceeded to tell the entire bus of 5th graders of Cinderella's tale of woe at the hands of her Wicked Stepmom.
It's normal. I know. Kids complain about their parents all. the. time.
Tell half-truths. Leave out important details so they can remain the victim.
Still. It hurt.
Stepparents are easy targets.
We set ourselves up. Leave ourselves open and vulnerable.
Prince Charming came to my defense (somewhat).
Yet, he is the first to jump all over me when it comes to Her.
And still. I can't help but wonder if Cinderella's complaints are justified or a product of the Stepparent phenomona or Maleficent's verbal diarrhea.
Or all of the above.


canape said...

Sympathy. Or Empathy rather.

It is hard to be good enough to withstand the tearing down of you that occurs when the child goes to the other house.

We have to be better than perfect just to even be good.

Luke Poplin said...

You know, I remember my Mother and my Sister having an incident VERY similar to this. I'm not going toever claim that I have all the answers, but perhaps there is a positive spin to this situation.

Perhaps the answer to your question is "None of the above." Perhaps you are having a "normal" Mother/Daughter relationship.

I THINK that was a positive spin...hmm

Anonymous said...

Well, that sucks!!! I remember getting grilled by my mom every time I came home from seeing dad. It was always done brute force with lots of leading questions. I feel for you, but you do seem to have a great attitude! Cheers. :)

Dayngr said...

That can't be easy but if it is of any consolation I trashed talked my parents when I was a teen and full of angst.

The only advice I can offer is to let her know you are open to her expressing herself to you at anytime. Let her know she doesn't have to worry about what you are going to think or what is going to happen if she is honest. Just let her know it is ok to talk about her feelings to you.

My kids are still little so I hope I remember my own advice in about 10 years. (if not, remind me!)

Anonymous said...

You call her "bitchy", she gets hurt by that and tells everyone that will listen and you're wondering...what are you wondering? She's 10...she's a kid. Most grown women would be hurt, tell anyone that would listen to them and play the victim for all it's worth.
Choose your words better and they won't taste so bitter when you have to eat them later.