Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I'd Like Some Cheese With That

Cinderella comes home from her visit with Malificent.
I pulled a muscle in my neck. Mommy says I should put an ice pack on it.
Oh. Sorry, we don't have any ice packs.
[cue whining and tears]
But it really hurts! What am I supposed to do?!
A hot shower should help.

But Mommy said an ice pack will help!
Sorry, babe. We don't have any ice packs. Did Mommy give you an ice pack at her house?
No! She didn't!
Ok. Then try a hot shower. It just needs to work itself out.
***
Five minutes later after the shortest shower in the history of Tweendom Cinderella emerges from the bathroom.
[cue whining]
My neck still hurts! What am I going to do!?
You weren't in the shower long enough.

[cue whining]
But it wasn't helping!
That because you didn't give it a chance to. You'll feel better in the morning after you get a good night's sleep. You probably just slept on it wrong.
[cue whining]
But it was fine this morning!
Ok. Well we've all had a stiff neck at one time or another. I know they hurt. It'll get better.
It really hurts when I turn my neck this way.
[try to stifle chuckles as I deliver the punchline to one of those classic Doctor-It-Hurts-When-I-Do-This jokes]
Well don't turn your neck that way.
[cue whining and flip Exaggeration Switch to FULL-ON POSITION]
But then I can't move my neck at all!
***
Go make your lunch for school tomorrow.
[cue whining and tears]
But Daddy said I can buy lunch tomorrow! You heard him!
Sorry, he didn't tell me. But I'll ask him later and maybe you can buy lunch on Friday.

***
I ask her to dry her hair.

She has the most beautiful thick wavy hair that I just treated her to having cut by my hairstylist who used to work in Hollywood and still has some celebrity clients but now makes home visits thank.you.very.much.
Five minutes later after the shortest blow dry in the history of Tweendom, and with her hair twisted into two buns to hide the fact that it is still sopping wet...
You hair is still soaking wet. Please go dry it.
[cue whining and tears AND foot stomping]
Huh? Where?!

I just dried it!
I don't want to dry it!
And this time in case there was any doubt in my mind that she is totally turning into a hormal Tween she storms off and slams the bathroom door which is directly outside her Baby Sister's room just for effect.
Five minutes later she emerges from the bathroom STILL stomping and is now angrily flipping her hair about as if to say SEE!!!!! It's DUH-RY NOW! FLIP! STOMP! FLIP! STOMP!
***
This entire exchange took place in the span of 45 minutes.
Holy moly. It's a wonder my mother didn't murder me in my sleep when I was that age.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

Oh. My. God. I have so had this EXACT conversation...only with my stepSON!!! Complete with door slamming and stomping outside of babies door. I have called my parents repeatedly and apologized :)