Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Getting Along: Baby Steps

Someone once said it's the little things that mean the most.
(Or maybe it was Hallmark.)
I try to remember this as I challenge myself to Keep the Peace with Maleficent. To keep us all communicating for Cinderella's sake.
It's not easy.
It took us 7 years to get to this point, it will take more than 7 months to overcome it.
Maleficent seems to be having an even harder time breaking the habits of her bad behavior as evidenced by some recent events which resulted in a heated phone call with Prince Charming last night but that's a whole other post.]
I'm not at the point where I'm ready to invite her in for a cup of coffee. I don't know if I will ever Trust her enough for that.
Maybe one day. But not this day.
For now I'm taking Baby Steps.

Like informing
Maleficent on all of the "girl talks" I have had with Cinderella. She is almost 10 and oh-so-curious about these things called bras, tampons, and...yeah... O.R.G.A.S.M. I make sure I let Maleficent know every detail, so she doesn't feel left out.
I offered to put pretty photos that I have taken of Cinderella over the years on a CD for Her.
I asked Her to copy home movies of Cinderella on to DVD, as a surprise for Prince Charming. I have never seen Cinderella as a Baby and Hubby's VHS movies are packed away somewhere.
Maleficent agreed to do it without hesitation.
I've complimented Her role as an early-childhood educator and asked Her opinion on Hansel's preschool. I firmly believe that, next to parenting, teaching is one of the most important jobs a person can do and I wanted her to know that.
I included
Maleficent on my list of things-to-by-at-the-craft-store for my Mother's Day crafts, and helped Cinderella make the craft for her Mom. Cinderella loves crafting and what Mom doesn't appreciate homemade gifts?
I've bitten my tongue on more than one occasion. Like when She pointed out how commited she was to making things work for Cinderella's sake.
You should be committed is what I wanted to say.
"We're all committed," is what I did say.
I smile politely and make idle chit chat when she picks Cinderella up. I struggle to keep things friendly even though I am currently seething over the continued spitefulness.
One Foot in front of the other.
One Step farther away from the Past.
One Step closer to peace harmony something better more tolerable.


safa said...

WOW...I see many similarities in our stepmomdom. You make me want to explore this a little more. I've been a stepmom for 6 years and it's always something. At least you are taking it one step at a time!

Eli's Mom said...

I do not have any experience in the 'step' world, but I can only imagine how difficult it must be. You are putting forth an admirable effort - i hope it pays off for your family.

stepblog said...

I hear ya sister. Sounds like you are doing all the right things... but sometimes I know it gets exhausting and can be extremely frustrating.

Pammer said...

Six years, huh? You're doing GREAT! It took 11 for us to be civil -- and that's a tenuous civil at best.

Good for you and your thick skin.

InterstellarLass said...

I need to take a lesson from this. I'm going to have to like my kids' step-mom. According to my son, she's about perfect, and I just really, really don't want to like her.

Anonymous said...

I am a 3 year step mom (who has been a part of the kids life for 5 years). In the very beginning, I was overly nice until the one day where she said the kids couldn't come over unless she could. And then there was a time when she stated now that we were married, she was coming after my money too. Anyway, I have been very good about holding my tongue. Well, that is until last night. That is when I officially lost it. Her constant calling and interference with our personal life is affecting my marriage and is just bringing so much negativity out of me. I found your website today and I want to thank you for showing me I am not the only one who is going through this. Hopefully I will be able to follow your advice, shut up and put on a smile.