I got drunk last night and flooded my basement.
The former did not contribute to the latter in any way but it did keep me from a total freakout given our past experiences with flooding.
How did the former occur? Rum, mate. In the form of mojitos. Drank from my new mojito glasses and made with me spiffy new muddler.
How did the latter occur? With a sprinkler placed in the front garden to water my poor wilting pansies and apparently too close to a leaky foundation.
I was sitting on my front stoop 'neath my waving flag sipping my libation when I heard Prince Charming's frantic footsteps from inside the house followed by panicked screams out the window to STOP WATERING THE GARDEN YOU ARE FLOODING THE BASEMENT!
Did you know that drinking rum makes one swagger like Capt. Jack Sparrow? Especially when you are trying to avoid the coils of a garden hose whilst running to shut off said sprinkler...
***
Did you also know that a screaming toddler can bring a blog post to a screaming hault?
The End.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
How DARE I!!!
Cinderella graduated from her local D.A.R.E. program today.
She asked me, ME!!!!!! if I would put her bumpersticker on her car.
Not her Dad.
Not Maleficent.
M.E.
At first I thought NOWAY. I hate bumperstickers. They're, well... sticky and a royal pain in the ass to remove which is what I would want to do when I trade in my rattly too-small-car-to-fit-our-family-of-five for a ::gasp!:: minivan.
(I'm totally gonna pimp it out BTW in keeping with my aspirations of being a total SMILF.)
But then I noticed IT. The sound of disappointment in her voice at my rejection of her accomplishment.
"Tell ya sweets, let's give Daddy first dibs and if he doesn't want to put the bumpersticker on his car, I will proudly show it off on mine."
REALLY?!?!?!?!?
I swear if she weren't anchored down by the seatbelt she would have shot straight to the moon and back propelled soley by sheer glee.
Always the epitomy of subtlety and patience Cinderella tackles Prince Charming as soon as he walked in the door for dinner tonight. He declined the offer, as predicted.
So there ya have it.
A bumpersticker. On my car. The first of many, I suspect.
(And I'm ok with that.)
She asked me, ME!!!!!! if I would put her bumpersticker on her car.
Not her Dad.
Not Maleficent.
M.E.
At first I thought NOWAY. I hate bumperstickers. They're, well... sticky and a royal pain in the ass to remove which is what I would want to do when I trade in my rattly too-small-car-to-fit-our-family-of-five for a ::gasp!:: minivan.
(I'm totally gonna pimp it out BTW in keeping with my aspirations of being a total SMILF.)
But then I noticed IT. The sound of disappointment in her voice at my rejection of her accomplishment.
"Tell ya sweets, let's give Daddy first dibs and if he doesn't want to put the bumpersticker on his car, I will proudly show it off on mine."
REALLY?!?!?!?!?
I swear if she weren't anchored down by the seatbelt she would have shot straight to the moon and back propelled soley by sheer glee.
Always the epitomy of subtlety and patience Cinderella tackles Prince Charming as soon as he walked in the door for dinner tonight. He declined the offer, as predicted.
So there ya have it.
A bumpersticker. On my car. The first of many, I suspect.
(And I'm ok with that.)
(The only thing that could possibly top things is if Maleficent goes into orbit when she sees this. And perhaps gets slingshot into some galaxy far, far away.)
Friday, May 18, 2007
On a Happier Note
A mentor in my prior life as a dot com goddess always told me to end my communications on a positive note.
Can't think of a better way to end a week, or counteract Wednesday's shitstorm, with pictures of my children playing in the park.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Custody & Visitation: The Downward Spiral
Hindsight is 20/20.
I should have posted something about Mother's Day if for no other reason so that my first post for this week would have been about something positive instead of the tediously-frustrating-never-ending-bullshit-drama involving Maleficent and Prince Charming and the loathsome Custody. And. Visitation. Stipulation. A document that I have read more times than my own wedding vows. A document that I hate.
(The only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that Maleficent hates it more. Neener-neener!)
Prince Charming should have taken a different approach with Maleficent. Taking a consistent stand with the Rules put in place at the courthouse almost a year and a half ago. As Sandra so brilliantly commented:
"Just like a toddler clear limits have to be set. Once she sees over time and with tons of consistency that nothing is going to bend or budge in her favor...then the BS will stop. "
(You hit the nail right on the head with that. Talk about a lightbulb moment for both P.C. and myself!)
Instead, to his credit as much as our detriment, P.C. tried giving Maleficent the benefit of the doubt. Hoping against hope that she was as committed as he was to Keeping the Peace. And making things work. So he gave in to her every request for extra time.
He's realizing he was wrong.
Maleficent continues to disregard court orders.
Continues to ask forgiveness instead of permission.
To make up her own rules, and direspect Cinderella's rights.
P.C. attempted to lay down the law last month but caved.
He's now attempting it again.
His efforts are currently being met with passive-aggressive avoidance and spitefulness.
She's refusing to answer his calls. Dictating now that all communications are to take place in email only.
(I read that little nugget this morning. Before I even had my coffee.)
Maleficent was supposed to pick up Cinderella from her after-school program yesterday.
A day not cited in the original Visitation document but that P.C. has been allowing b/c he is nice like that. It's also a day she is losing come next week when P.C. enforces the schedule as it's been layed out in the Document From Hell.
Pick up usually takes place at our home. Scheduling conflicts prevented me from being home at the designated time and I am finished being accommodating.
Maleficent does not respond well to not getting her own way and was not happy with P.C. telling her when and where she could get Cinderella. Instead of making the most of an extra day with her Daughter, she called Cinderella AT SCHOOL yesterday to tell her she woudn't be coming to pick her up.
Maleficent did not notify Prince Charming or myself of her decision.
Cinderella was effectively abandoned at afterschool program without any means of getting home yesterday.
Luckily, I was there and she found me before I left to come home.
Today is a normal visitation day. Maleficent will be coming later this afternoon to pick up Cinderella at our home. I am trying to disengage from the rage of emotions I am currently feeling in order to ensure a pleasant interaction.
I am dreading what's to come.
And struggling with trying to find a way to preserve some civility with Maleficent.
I should have posted something about Mother's Day if for no other reason so that my first post for this week would have been about something positive instead of the tediously-frustrating-never-ending-bullshit-drama involving Maleficent and Prince Charming and the loathsome Custody. And. Visitation. Stipulation. A document that I have read more times than my own wedding vows. A document that I hate.
(The only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that Maleficent hates it more. Neener-neener!)
Prince Charming should have taken a different approach with Maleficent. Taking a consistent stand with the Rules put in place at the courthouse almost a year and a half ago. As Sandra so brilliantly commented:
"Just like a toddler clear limits have to be set. Once she sees over time and with tons of consistency that nothing is going to bend or budge in her favor...then the BS will stop. "
(You hit the nail right on the head with that. Talk about a lightbulb moment for both P.C. and myself!)
Instead, to his credit as much as our detriment, P.C. tried giving Maleficent the benefit of the doubt. Hoping against hope that she was as committed as he was to Keeping the Peace. And making things work. So he gave in to her every request for extra time.
He's realizing he was wrong.
Maleficent continues to disregard court orders.
Continues to ask forgiveness instead of permission.
To make up her own rules, and direspect Cinderella's rights.
P.C. attempted to lay down the law last month but caved.
He's now attempting it again.
His efforts are currently being met with passive-aggressive avoidance and spitefulness.
She's refusing to answer his calls. Dictating now that all communications are to take place in email only.
(I read that little nugget this morning. Before I even had my coffee.)
Maleficent was supposed to pick up Cinderella from her after-school program yesterday.
A day not cited in the original Visitation document but that P.C. has been allowing b/c he is nice like that. It's also a day she is losing come next week when P.C. enforces the schedule as it's been layed out in the Document From Hell.
Pick up usually takes place at our home. Scheduling conflicts prevented me from being home at the designated time and I am finished being accommodating.
Maleficent does not respond well to not getting her own way and was not happy with P.C. telling her when and where she could get Cinderella. Instead of making the most of an extra day with her Daughter, she called Cinderella AT SCHOOL yesterday to tell her she woudn't be coming to pick her up.
Maleficent did not notify Prince Charming or myself of her decision.
Cinderella was effectively abandoned at afterschool program without any means of getting home yesterday.
Luckily, I was there and she found me before I left to come home.
Today is a normal visitation day. Maleficent will be coming later this afternoon to pick up Cinderella at our home. I am trying to disengage from the rage of emotions I am currently feeling in order to ensure a pleasant interaction.
I am dreading what's to come.
And struggling with trying to find a way to preserve some civility with Maleficent.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
How to Get What You REALLY Want for Mother's Day
"Hansel, tell Daddy that you want to go to a jewelry store for my Mother's Day gift and get Mommy something sparkly... with a lot of diamonds."
Mommy! You're not supposed to tell me what to get you for Mother's Day!
"But don't you want Mommy to be happy?"
But don't you want to be surprised?
***
His depth of character amazes me sometimes. And pisses me off a little.
Mommy! You're not supposed to tell me what to get you for Mother's Day!
"But don't you want Mommy to be happy?"
But don't you want to be surprised?
***
His depth of character amazes me sometimes. And pisses me off a little.
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