Remember Me?

The following post was drafted in 2014. A lot has happened since then. 

Are you surprised? 

Yeah, me neither. 

Maybe I'll find the focus to catch you up on the last 5 years. In the meantime, this will have to suffice as I am exhausted from trying to recall email addresses and passwords associated with this blog.

***
I have no idea where the past year has gone.

They say time flies when you are having fun. But I wouldn't exactly call the last 12 months... FUN. It's been a challenging adventure for sure, and shows no signs of letting up.

Let's play catch up...

Cinderella is now 17 and a senior in high school. She was hospitalized a third time over the Christmas holiday, at her request... vis a vis a note which I found on my desk one Friday morning after she had already left for school:

I immediately texted her at school. She was ok. She was grateful and relieved to know that she had been heard and I had her back...as I always have. We would talk more when she came home after school.

I called the National Suicide Hotline.
I called her therapist.
I called Prince Charming.

All agreed she was not in any immediate danger. The note was her way of opening a dialogue. And talk, we did. I asked all the usual questions: How long have you felt this way? What triggered it? What have you been doing to cope? Did it come up in your weekly sessions with your therapist?

She felt she needed to go back into the hospital. Spending the weekend with Prince Charming was important so she could go shopping for gifts for her family. It was a week before Christmas. She knew she would spend it in the hospital so she wanted to make sure her gifts would be under our trees.

Her hospital stay was an absolute CLUSTERFUCK of mismanagement by an inexperienced social worker who was put in charge of her case.  In the interest of brevity I'll spare you the details other than to say there were MANY phone calls between myself, Prince Charming, the social worker and Director of the hospital to thwart an early discharge the day AFTER Christmas. There may have been some yelling involved. And a letter. And numerous apologies from Administrative staff assuring us that while there were no do-overs for Cinderella, steps would be taken to ensure this doesn't happen again to another family.

Cinderella spent two weeks in the hospital, and another two weeks in a day program in an effort to solidify the skills she had learned and give her greater chances for a success re-entry back into normal life. In the months following, she has stumbled a bit. And recovered. And stumbled a bit more. But I am happy to report amidst the minor setbacks she has successfully ended a toxic relationship, attended an event for accepted students to one of her chosen colleges and registered for classes/inquired about housing/researched financial aid all on her own (well, ok that involved some gentle pushing on my part) and has maintained an 80+ average in ALL of her classes.

Yes, I am proud.

(And yes, I still sleep with all of the OTC drugs, razors and knives in my bedroom.)

A New Twist on an Old Tradition

Not that many years ago, I wrote about how Prince Charming and I managed to survive the holiday shuffle.
This year, I find myself struggling to shuffle a new custody schedule not only with Cinderella but with my own Hansel & Gretel now as well.
Since unofficially separating this past summer, Prince Charming and I have tried to work out an alternating custody schedule with the kids. One that attempts to give each of us equal time with ALL THREE kids and also follows the visitation stipulation that's been in place for Cinderella and Maleficent since 2006.
Simply put: If Cinderella is home with Prince Charming, then so are Hansel and Gretel.
Our primary goal is to keep our kids together with each other as much as possible.
In some ways, it's made figuring out the current schedule with Hansel and Gretel rather easy since all we have to do is use Cinderella's as our template.
So weekends, holidays and birthdays are all sorted.
(See, there is some benefit to all of those hours and dollars being spent in court with Maleficent afterall!)
The downside is this year I will not be with the kids on Christmas morning. I get to spend some of Christmas Eve with them (because it's fallen on my normally scheduled day) until 6pm. And then Christmas Day will have Hansel and Gretel starting at 12 Noon. At that same time, Cinderella will go off to her Mom's for three days.
I will miss out on tucking the kids in and putting out cookies for Santa and food for the reindeer. Miss their eyes filled with wonder on Christmas morning when they come down and find their presents under the tree.
Tonight, I will be at my Mom's celebrating Christmas Eve dinner. Something we don't get to do very often but hope to do more of in the future. Before I go, I will help Cinderella assemble the baked french toast that has become part of our Christmas morning tradition. (Time I am looking forward to spending just with her, since I will not see much of her during this holiday break.) We will all then listen to 'Twas The Night Before Christmas with our animated Thomas Kinkade Story House before I leave.
Tomorrow morning I will awaken at my Mom's and open gifts with her. Something I haven't done in a long, long time. Before I was married. Before I was a Mom.
I will then head down to see Hansel and Gretel (hopefully catching Cinderella before she leaves), exchange some gifts with them before bringing them back to Grandma's for Christmas dinner. Something they have never done.
I'm determined to welcome these changes in my Christmas traditions with a positive attitude.
There are unexpected gifts hidden within them - though one Mom will be without her children's faces on Christmas morning, another Mom gets to relive Christmas memories with her first born daughter.
And later on create new memories with (two of) her grandkids.

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. ~Burton Hillis

Tripping Up Along The Holiday Shuffle

Scheduling holiday visits with family was sometimes a major PITA, even though I made it look easy in this post. Remembering where Cinderella would be proved challenging at times.

(Prince Charming and Maleficent used to alternate Christmas Eve/Christmas Day and other holidays every year.)

I tried to keep things straight by writing this stuff down on every calendar we owned but, inevitably, Cinderella would miss out on seeing someone (and vice versa) b/c their schedule just didn't match up with ours.
(And... sometimes b/c the custody/visitation schedule was thrown OFF-schedule b/c someone couldn't accommodate their visitation time and requested a switch in days. *ahem* )
When Prince Charming was granted full custody two years ago, the custody document was adjusted once again in an effort to make it easier for all involved.
Cinderella would now be with us EVERY Christmas Eve.
Maleficent would get her EVERY Christmas Day from 12 Noon until December 28th where Cinderella would be returned home and remain through New Years and until the end of her holiday break (upon which the regular visitations schedule would resume).
Easy right?
Now we KNOW to plan our family get-togethers every Christmas Eve so Cinderella never again has to miss out!, we happily proclaimed then.
And yet, somewhere amidst the baking and decorating and shopping and wrapping we tripped up.
We forgot to plan for Christmas Eve and went right along with scheduling parents, step-parents, extended family visits for Christmas Day.
DUH!
Once again, Cinderella missed out on seeing them.
Once again, they missed out on seeing her.
We suck. I know it. She knows it.
As much as I tried to downplay it, she knows they were here. Her face showed her disappointment.
Disappointment that was short-lived and all-but disappeared once she opened the presents they left for her... but still IT WAS THERE.
Try as we might, holidays may never be "perfect" when stepchildren are involved.
(My parents made it look easy but that could be b/c they didn't come from divorced parents so didn't have the added challenge of scheduling time with their own "steps.")
As Stepparents, we can only do our best to establish traditions and rituals that will hopefully create happy memories for our skids and that will not leave them feeling left-out or that they somehow missed out.
With each new year and with each experience comes a chance to do better.
Next year, Cinderella, we WILL do better.

Cards for Kandahar: The Final Countdown

With the mailing deadline rapidly approaching, Prince Charming and I kicked things into high gear over the weekend to get the cards for Kandahar ready for shipping.



I had most of the cards stamped and designed, but still needed to fill them out with a personalized to note to each soldier.



Along with the cards, each soldier is getting their own mini-stocking filled with rubber bouncy balls and kazoos with snowflake designs, and some of this...



Snowman Poop!
Which is nothing more than white chocolate chips (mini-marshmallows would have worked nicely too!) I found the idea on this website which is loaded with tons of holidays ideas. It's been one of my favorites go-to spots for years.



This is one of my favorite designs... maybe because of the (accidental) red, white and blue color scheme, maybe because of the simplicity of it's design. I still have a few cards left to fill out and then this box of Holiday Wishes will be ready to be shipped tomorrow.

***

There's still time for you to help. My friend, BlondeByDesign, has a huge shipment of holiday care packages for Kandahar ready to go. Anyone interested in helping to sponsor a box can do so. From her site:

"If you would like to sponsor or be a part of sending the 30 plus care packages I will be sending out on December 4th (or sooner), sponsorship donations may be made through PayPal. The email address donations are sent to is: spriteskandaharproject@yahoo.com"

Cards for Kandahar

Can't think of a better way to spend this Veteran's Day than doing a little holiday card making for soldiers in Kandahar.
Soon, all of this will be turned into unique personal creations for each on the men serving under SGM Danny Allman in Lashkar, Gah.



(I say "unique" because I have quickly learned that card making is NOT my craft, but I am committed to completing this task and they WILL like them dammit!).

Hansel made sure these cards got the perfect snowflake stickers on the inside.



Want to help honor our brave men and women serving overseas?
Check out this site for tips on how you can get involved in sending your holiday cards.
My Twitter friend BlondeByDesign is also putting forth a spectacular effort on her own and is accepting PayPal donations to help with her holiday care packages, if you don't have the time of don't know how to get started. If you're looking to be inspired, take the time to read through the archives and see some of what she's sent to Kandahar so far.



Once the card project is complete, I get to work on my next care package - a snowball fight in a box!
Stay tuned.

October, In Reader's Digest Form

*blowing off the layer of dust that has accumulated on my blog*

*cough* *cough*

So, where did I leave off?

Oh, my ankle. It healed up well. Thanks for asking. After two days I was good as new.

Halloween was fantastic. Craftiness ran rampant.





(More pics on Flickr. Ya hafta be a contact to see the kids in costume otherwise you'll have to settle for anonymous random photos.)

I hosted a toddler costume party on Tuesday (8 toddlers and their Moms. I KNOW!), took Gretel to storytime/haunted house event at our local library on Wed and went trick-or-treating with the Pumpkin War neighbors. Cinderella ditched us in favor of going out with her friends. *sigh* We've lost her. ;)

The kids made out like bandits. BUT... I had to throw away ALL of the candy yesterday after eating a suspicious tasting Reese's Peanut Butter Cup! (Tasted like COUGH MEDICINE. WTF?!?!?!?)


And since we pool all the candy into one bucket, there was no way to know where it came from, if it was malicious or not. Raising kids today is scary. And that pisses me off. I had to promise Hansel that we would replace the candy with something safer. He was so sad. And *that* pissed me off more.

Hansel's had three headaches this month. Stayed home from school twice. We're contemplating taking him to a neurologist to rule out anything major and to confirm our suspicions that he's developing migraines.

Prince Charming and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary last weekend. Dinner and a movie. No kids. YAY!

Maleficent is up to her antics again (still) and is violating the terms of her visitation every chance she gets. Cinderella's law guardian, the appointed mediator for when such problems occur, has been MIA and very lax in her duties leaving PrinceCharming between a rock and a hard place. Court seems inevitable, but no progress has been made in that department. Where does that leave us? Helpless. Paralyzed. Forced to accept things on Maleficent's terms, waiting at the door for when she decides to come and get Cinderella (she is late every time) and never knowing when she will bring her home (again, late every time). I'm trying not to let it dominate my days, but it's so hard.

And remember when I posted about this? Yeah, well I'm beginning to think it may be more.

What Would St. Pat's Day Be Without...

(*Edited to add link to soda bread recipe. I used this recipe but I also added raisins. How much? A couple of handfulls until it looked like there was enough.)
(** Soda bread with raisins is called "spotted dog.")

Irish Porridge for breakfast.
A feast of corned beef and cabbage, beef and guinness stew, colcannon, champ and soda bread.
A pint of two of the black stuff... and,

Our very own mischievious Leprechaun.

And one of the Frosty-kind,

And a puking Pixie who figured her Mom hadn't had enough after this experience. This time, in addition to getting Herself AND my clothes she projectile vomitted all over the couch cushions.
Lucky for me our guests came to my aid as my Prince Charming simply stood there pint in one hand and stew in the other frozen like a deer caught in the headlights.
'Tis a Blessing indeed!

'Tis a Blessing

To be a toddler ...

... with enough flexibility to smell one's own feet.

May your Past be a pleasant memory,
Your Future filled with delight and mystery,
Your Now a glorious moment,
That fills your life with deep contentment.

Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona Daoibh
(Happy St. Patrick's Day!)