To Hell and Back Again

Throughout late 2010 and early 2011, Prince Charming had been battling depression and anxiety.
He became incapable of caring for anyone...especially himself. 
(Being unemployed for close to 8months, to a man who based his entire identity on his ability to support his family and be an Internet Superstar, served as a crushing blow to his fragile ego.) 
He struggled emotionally. I struggled financially.
Despite it all, our relationship improved and we were able to make co-parent decisions easily and without conflict.
We agreed that it'd be best if I assumed full custody of Hansel and Gretel in Spring 2011.
Cinderella spent many sleepovers at her Aunt's and Grandparent's both of whom lived within her school district and we able to help support PrinceCharming as he struggled.
When summer came, PrinceCharming asked Cinderella to spend it with her mother so he could focus on getting better. She agreed to give it a try.
She was now close to an hour north of me.
PrinceCharming landed a job, at an internet startup.
He then retreated into the city. Close to an hour south of me.
Summer came and went, and Cinderella was then enrolled in High School and asked to stay with Maleficent for her Sophomore year.
PrinceCharming decided that moving Cinderella into the city with him would not be good as she would be left alone most of the time with him working those crazy startup hours.
The adjustment was difficult on everyone...especially our kids who were not only separated from their Dad, but now also each other.

Maleficent's "custody" of Cinderella lasted all of four months.
It was four months too long.
During her exile, Cinderella endured isolation in the form of denied visits to my home, was subjected to regular bouts of Maleficent's verbal diarrhea on the state of her victimization at the hands of PrinceCharming, and was repeatedly forced to choose between her parents only to be called a traitor when she showed her disdain for living with Maleficent and Diablo.
(Oh and toss in a little blackmail too, as in "if you choose to live with your father. we'll tell your baby brothers that you abandoned them and will make sure you never see them again.")
After his (near fatal) accident, it would be two weeks before Cinderella was allowed to visit PrinceCharming in the hospital.

When she was allowed to visit my home, Cinderella started asking questions about what really happened between her mother and father.
"What did Mom do to cause her to lose custody of me?" Was it bad? It must be bad because a judge doesn't just take custody from a parent without good reason. Was I in danger of being hurt? Is she schizophrenic or something?"
Oh boy.
I answered without answering. Left it up to her to decide.
"Babe, you're old enough to see and understand for yourself. You know what you've witnessed and experienced."
It wasn't my place to tell her the details.
But she already knows.
And she is afraid of suffering the same fate as her mother.
Worried that she, too, will at some point be diagnosed with a similar behavioral disorder.
"Mom lives in her own world, that is not based on reality."
Wow. It's like she has her own copy of the DSM IV-R hidden in her back pocket!

When we could get a visit, Cinderella's weekends with us were always bittersweet.
My house was once again filled with the cacophony of giggles and screeches of hyperactive kids, happy to have their missing Musketeer back with them.
The dinner table became a hub of cross-talk as we each competed to get Cinderella's attention and bring her up to date on what happened since the last time we saw her.
Inevitably it would end in tears as Hansel and Gretel sobbed when she had to leave, and half of the time was spent with Cinderella stressing over Sundays when she would have to go back.
Her bliss at being reunited with her family was always so short lived.
The drive back was particularly difficult for both of us because of the specific instructions that I would NOT drop Cinderella off in front of Maleficent's home. Rather, she was to be brought to a gas station around the corner.
You see, apparently... Maleficent's road was PRIVATE and I was not allowed on it. Must be nice to have that kind of POWER, no?

Talk about being treated like the red-headed stepchild! And you people call me Wicked. Pfft!

Ridiculous.
I know.
But I deferred to Cinderella who was so fearful of her mother's tirades that I did not want to do anything to make her stay there any worse.
So I acquiesced for my stepdaughter's sake.
This wasn't about me, it was about her sanity and me wanting to spare her from as much grief as I could.
 
Cinderella was rescued from her prison tower on January 1st of this year.
It was on the heels of her acting out, as only teens can do to get attention - drinking herself into oblivion with some friends from her self-described "ghetto school" just to make herself numb.
"I wanted to not feel," she told me.
PrinceCharming first asked if she could spend New Year's weekend with me, since she wasn't allowed to spend Christmas with her family of choice.
With us, she could get some sense of normalcy, see Hansel and Gretel and be in a happy family environment.
It was during her weekend stay with me for New Year's that ultimately resulted in PrinceCharming realizing he had made a terrible mistake.
We learned of how deeply she was being traumatized and hurt by her mother and her Stepfather daily.
That short visit ultimately turned into a two weeks respite at my home while PrinceCharming made arrangements to have her transferred to live with my ex-inlaws.
At least there, she would have more involvement with Hansel, Gretel and me.
At least there, PrinceCharming would be allowed to act like a father, inasmuch as he is able.
As least there, we can ALL keep a close eye on this troubled girl and help to regulate her erratic emotions.

And so began another adjustment for her.
And one that hasn't been very easy...

Hell Has Frozen Over

Cinderella is living with her BioMom.
After years of battling for - and WINNING - custody of Cinderella, PrinceCharming has relinquished physical custody to Maleficent.
Working start-up hours in NYC, while battling one's own emotional demons, is not conducive to raising a teen (who has her own emotional demons).
He says she understands his decision and is working on making the most of it.
I'm sure Cinderella is happy to be seeing more of her Mom, and her new baby brothers as well. (Maleficent has three other children ages two and under).
It's a double-edged sword and it sucks.
Living with her Dad, she missed seeing her siblings (with Maleficent).
Living with her BioMom, she misses her siblings (with her Dad and me).
This poor kid.

(This post was drafted 3 days before Prince Charming's accident. So many events have taken place since then resulting in another change of custody that now has her living with my ex-inlaws. So much to catch up on, Internetz!)

Sixth

Remember these?

Gretel, now 6, can see them.
In  her room. In my room. In the livingroom. When we're out driving. At school.
"Colors," she calls them. Mostly pink, green and blue. Sometimes white.
Once black. That one was in her room. She thought it was one of us sneaking in to scare her ... but it wasn't.
Half a circle, she said. By her door, as if it were peeking around the corner. About 3ft from the floor.
She's not scared.
Not yet.
I'm taking steps to empower her and make sure she is not frightened by this sixth sense that appears to be developing.

My Familiar

He's been with me since my very first apartment.
He's 16.
He's developed a tremor.
When I was a child, we lost a cat to some seizure-type event.
I sure hope I do not find myself in that familiar territory with my faithful companion.

Oh, hi

Writing has been on my mind.
But time has not been on my side these past four months.

First things first, PrinceCharming is recovering from his injuries. (Thank you for your posts, comments and well-wishes.) He has a long road ahead of him of cognitive rehabilitation - 5-7 years according to the "experts" - but he's on his way.  Physically, he is almost back to normal, but mentally he struggles with memory loss, inability to multi-task and confusion. Still, he's made enough progress to start earning a living again, albeit on a part-time basis.
He can't drive for at least 5 years, which means he's been relying on others to drive him around when he visits. His move to NYC back in the summer has turned out to be a blessing in disguise for it affords him some independence.
The kids aren't able to see him as much as they want, since he's not able to watch them, so we've been stealing moments when he is in the area.
They're adjusting but we're all secretly waiting for the time when PrinceCharming is well enough for them to spend the weekend with him again.
On the positive side, our relationship has gotten even stronger throughout all of this and for that I am oh so very grateful. While I miss having a co-parent, and wish I didn't have to go through the daily parenting struggles on my own, I am relieved for the lack of additional drama that having an EX sometimes brings.

Speaking of EX's...
The ex-BF has become a boarder/live-in nanny. It's like I'm living my own Who's The Boss Series, but in reverse!
He's been a huge help to me in so many ways - taking care of the day-to-day goings on in the house, while I get on with the task of earning a living and supporting myself and my kids (child support has taken a huge drop, obviously, due to the circumstances at hand).
We've had our challenges - boundaries have to be redrawn as we navigate through this relationship adjustment, but all-in-all it's been a VERY good thing.
Even more, the kids have a loving male figure around, someone who has stepped in during their Dad's absence.

And in regards to EX's of the other variety...
Maleficent may have lost Cinderella for good.
Following PrinceCharming's move to NYC last summer, Cinderella was asked if she could stay with her mother for a while... so he could, work stuff out.
Well, that didn't go very well and, really, we can't say we are surprised.
The reasons WHY are irrelevant and serve no purpose to rehash here. I will simply say that Maleficent made choices that resulted in PrinceCharming being given full custody of Cinderella six years ago, and her choices after being asked have her daughter stay with her resulted in a emergency change to the living arrangements in New Year's Day.
Cinderella stayed with me for 2 weeks while her Dad worked out the details of moving her OUT of her mother's house and transferring her to a NEW school. She is now happily settled in to her grandparents' home (my EX-in laws) and attending the same high school as her Dad and Aunts once did.
We are thrilled as she is now 10minutes from us and so we will be seeing more of one another.

My 2012 began with the blissful sounds of all three of my children in my home - the laughter, the thundering foot steps as they ran from room to room, was a pure joy. My big girl has grown into such a delightful young woman. Her poise and grace throughout all of the struggles with her mother, this recent one notwithstanding, caused me to beam with pride whenever I think or speak of her.
I am glad that I could be there for her during this latest ordeal, and tickled that PrinceCharming asked me for help. I loved coming home to her, and sitting around the dinner table together, and going to the movies and ...

In spite everything, we have all been blessed with unusual happiness these past few months.
And that, my dears, is the stuff Fairytales are made of.