Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Slaying the Dragon

We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves. -Tom Robbins
I could attempt to write a more eloquent blog post, but there is no poetic way of discussing depression, self-mutilation and attempted suicide in teens.


Cinderella is back in the hospital, people.

She's struggling as so many teens (and adults) do. Trying to slay her own dragons. These dragons have resulted in two failed attempts at OD'ing  in the last week and NEW battle wounds along her arms and legs.

In the past four months since moving in with me, there is NO DOUBT that Cinderella has grown stronger. So much stronger than she was here and here. I'm infinitely proud of my big girl - of her strength, her grace and her hard-earned wisdom about life. I've tried reminding her that she's not alone and make a home for her where she can feel safe to just... BE.

But it's just not enough. Not yet. Not completely. The dragons keep telling Cinderella LIES. Lies that have her believing she's not worthy and unlovable and carving her own scarlet letters of self-loathing into her beautiful skin.

Cinderella is in a safe place now where she can gain even more strength to slay her dragons and rescue herself FROM herself. While driving home from visiting her last night, this song came on the's sort of become the soundtrack to this new chapter in our's so poignantly PERFECT:

I have no doubt that she will make it. I have to believe that, for the alternative is...well, NOT AN OPTION. Not in this fairytale.

In the meantime, I continue to surround her with love, encouragement, positive thinking and reminders that she is NOT ALONE. She and I are so very blessed to have friends who love her as much as I do and who do amazing things like devote a blog post to her. Please read it, and then follow the links to The Blogess' post on National Suicide Prevention Day. And then, please, SHARE IT so we can help others to slay their own dragons.

If you, or someone you know is in need of help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). And visit the National Council for Suicide Prevention for additional resources.


Therese said...

I can't presume to know what your situation is or what your family is going through. But I did go to psych wards when I was a teenager too, with "Fat Bitch" carved into my stomach.
The world got easier. Living got easier. I found a place. I found comfort. With the home and support you're providing for her, she's got a really good chance of doing so, too. I don't know how hard this must be on you. On behalf of miserable messed up teens, thank you for loving her.

Fraoch said...

I am so glad she has you there for her. Hope you are able to take some time for yourself in the midst of all this turmoil

A stepmom in training said...

She is so blessed to have you in her life! Adding y'all to my prayers!

Onemom said...

I'm 35 now and used to b a cutter and sucidal myself as a teen I to was in and out of the mental hospital and put on antidepressants. I know people don't understand y we cut but to me the pain was something I could control in a world that I was getting passed around and being told what to do how to dress how to act, I couldn't take it so I took control of my own pain i was in complete control. I also did it as a way of punishing myself for not sticking up for myself to my mother so I felt I deserved it. I found a wonderful group of friends that did not judge me but knew what I was going through and my addiction slowly went away. I wish I had someone that cared about me as u do for Cinderella so I have faith in Cinderella that she will find a way to no longer need to need to cut. However the dragon is always there. Now I have entered another hard time in my life as a step mom. I feel that all so familiar feeling of having no control in mg own home. My step son in ten and an expert manipulator he knows how to play mom against dad mom against me and dad against me. It seems no matter what I say or do I'm just a fill in and I'm suppose to know my place. I recognize that I need some outside support to help drain out the dragon, and for me that is a big step since I tend to internalize conflict and feel it's my problem to fix. So here I am. Keep supporting Cinderella and showering her with love and she will find her her way out.