[While driving in the car on the way home from a family day trip]
Hansel: "Daddy, I'm going to kick you so hard in the nuts."
As one of my Twitter buds pointed out, it's better than "Are we there yet?"
***
Hansel: "Mommy, why do you have a pirate on your underwear?"
Me: "Because I've got booty."
If I'm going to have an audience while peeing, I might as well offer a little entertainment and practice my stand-up. (Not to be confused with standing up.)
***
Hansel: "Mommy, I want to climb you like a Kinkajou!"
Me: *chuckling* "A wh-ha-at?"
Hansel: "A Kinkajou. It's an animal that climbs trees and has a long tail and is tan."
Me: "Oh. Ok. It is like a monkey? Or a bear? Or a cat?"
(I am totally humoring him at this point and his five year old imagination.)
Hansel: "Well... it's kinda like a monkey and like a cat."
Me: "Oh that's interesting. And where does this animal live?"
Hansel: "In the rainforest."
(It's important to point out that he is climbing across my outstretched legs like some arboreal creature the entire time he is describing his animal to me.)
And you know what? He wasn't making it up.
Go Diego, Go!
Friday, August 31, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Web Masters, Back to School and Wal*Mart
Dear Middle School Web "Master":
It is customary, among internet developers to always check a hyperlink AFTER it has been posted to a LIVE web site. The process of checking a link helps one to verify if the link is actually WORKING.
It's quite simple really. It involves merely CLICKING on the live link and CONFIRMING that it actually takes you to the intended destination. Someone on your staff, and I'm not saying it's you because ... really ... how could it be what with you being a web MASTER and all -- however someone in your office did NOT check the "School Supplies" link after updating your web site. So instead of taking one to a list of school supplies (you know, pencils, binders, notebooks and the like) the aforementioned link takes one to a listing of all the notices that have been MAILED HOME in the past week.
We did receive all of these notices, so thanks for checking that one over with me. Isn't it ironic (dontcha think?) that the ONE thing you folks have NOT mailed home is the ONE thing that is NOT on your web site? Yeah, I thought so too.
Oh! The nice lady at the Middle School's Guidance Office ('Cuz where else would one go if they needed help?) showed me that the supply list was, in fact, on the interweb thingy of which you are Master but it was on the school district's web site. So funny! It was there the WHOLE time and I was looking in the WRONG place. Instead of on the SCHOOL'S web site (which, BTW, is where I found the list for my Kindergartener), I should have been looking on the DISTRICT'S web site. Ain't that a kick in the head?!?!?
But really, I wanted to thank you. Thank you for getting me out of the house and visiting your school (it really is lovely). And thank you for making me drag a 5 year old and a toddler to Wal*Mart and it's spacious aisles and neat, well-organized shelves the week before school starts.
It was a BLAST. Really.
Signed,
WS
It is customary, among internet developers to always check a hyperlink AFTER it has been posted to a LIVE web site. The process of checking a link helps one to verify if the link is actually WORKING.
It's quite simple really. It involves merely CLICKING on the live link and CONFIRMING that it actually takes you to the intended destination. Someone on your staff, and I'm not saying it's you because ... really ... how could it be what with you being a web MASTER and all -- however someone in your office did NOT check the "School Supplies" link after updating your web site. So instead of taking one to a list of school supplies (you know, pencils, binders, notebooks and the like) the aforementioned link takes one to a listing of all the notices that have been MAILED HOME in the past week.
We did receive all of these notices, so thanks for checking that one over with me. Isn't it ironic (dontcha think?) that the ONE thing you folks have NOT mailed home is the ONE thing that is NOT on your web site? Yeah, I thought so too.
Oh! The nice lady at the Middle School's Guidance Office ('Cuz where else would one go if they needed help?) showed me that the supply list was, in fact, on the interweb thingy of which you are Master but it was on the school district's web site. So funny! It was there the WHOLE time and I was looking in the WRONG place. Instead of on the SCHOOL'S web site (which, BTW, is where I found the list for my Kindergartener), I should have been looking on the DISTRICT'S web site. Ain't that a kick in the head?!?!?
But really, I wanted to thank you. Thank you for getting me out of the house and visiting your school (it really is lovely). And thank you for making me drag a 5 year old and a toddler to Wal*Mart and it's spacious aisles and neat, well-organized shelves the week before school starts.
It was a BLAST. Really.
Signed,
WS
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Tea for Two? How About Tea for ME!
Sweet Tea, to be exact.
That would be - TEA.
Brewed strong and, well... SWEET.
(Sweet, as in, put-me-into-a-diabetic-coma-and-rot-my-teeth-SWEET)
Need I say more?
Well Hush My Mouth and Pass Me a Glass!
You Will Need:
8-10 tea bags or equivalent in loose leaf tea (if you want to keep it real, use Luzianne or Black tea)
2-3 cups of water
1 cup* granulated sugar
Small saucepan with lid
1-gallon sized pitcher
Directions:
Combine sugar and water in saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, thus making a simple syrup.
Remove sauce pan from heat. Add tea. Cover and let the tea steep as little as 10-20 minutes (or up to 2 hours!).
Pour the tea syrup into your pitcher and fill with water to make 1 gallon. (If using tea bags give 'em a squeeze to extract every last drop of tea juice.)
Serve by pouring over ice in individual glasses.
Enjoy!
(*You want about 1 cup of sugar per gallon of tea.)
Disclaimer: I'm a Yank. So if I've got this wrong, set me straight and share your recipe in the comments section!
That would be - TEA.
Brewed strong and, well... SWEET.
(Sweet, as in, put-me-into-a-diabetic-coma-and-rot-my-teeth-SWEET)
Need I say more?
Well Hush My Mouth and Pass Me a Glass!
You Will Need:
8-10 tea bags or equivalent in loose leaf tea (if you want to keep it real, use Luzianne or Black tea)
2-3 cups of water
1 cup* granulated sugar
Small saucepan with lid
1-gallon sized pitcher
Directions:
Combine sugar and water in saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, thus making a simple syrup.
Remove sauce pan from heat. Add tea. Cover and let the tea steep as little as 10-20 minutes (or up to 2 hours!).
Pour the tea syrup into your pitcher and fill with water to make 1 gallon. (If using tea bags give 'em a squeeze to extract every last drop of tea juice.)
Serve by pouring over ice in individual glasses.
Enjoy!
(*You want about 1 cup of sugar per gallon of tea.)
Disclaimer: I'm a Yank. So if I've got this wrong, set me straight and share your recipe in the comments section!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Too Good Not To Share
And God created Woman, and gave her three breasts.
God spoke, saying to her, " I have created thee as I see fit. Is there anything about thee that thou would prefer differently?"
And Woman spoke, saying "Lord, I am not made to birth whole litters. I need but two breasts."
And God said, "Thou speak wisely, as I have created thee with wisdom."
There was a crack of lightning and a lingering odor of ozone, and it was done, and God stood holding the surplus breast in his hands.
"What are you going to do with that useless boob?" Woman exclaimed.
And so it was, God created Man.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Stepmom Jewelry
I am a StepMom. I am a BioMom.
I am also a Woman cognicscent of the differences between the two and of the sensitive issue of "claiming" someone else's child as your own.
As a Mom, I have a one of these.
It bears Hansel's & Gretel's names and birthstones.
It does not include Cinderella because I did not feel right adding her to a Mommy bracelet.
(Mostly because I was worried about how Maleficent would feel. )
So I've been on a search for a piece of jewelry that was unique and that would allow me to proudly display my role as a Stepmom. Something that reflected my relationship with Cinderella.
I found it here.
Unique. Handstamped. Personalized. Perfect!
I saw this necklace and fell in love.
I contacted the site's owner and designer (Beth Philbin) and asked if I could have "Stepmom" stamped on the charm.
I could! In fact Beth said she could stamp it on any charm that's large enough.
I liked this necklace because I could incorporate my stepdaughter's name and her birthstone. As I did in the bracelet for Hansel & Gretel.
I love it.
It's sparkly. It's simple. It's unique.
Just like Her.
If you're a Stepmom and in the market for a unique piece of jewelry to celebrate your Stepmommyhood, I urge you to visit Beth's site and pick one up for yourself.
(Beth was an absolute delight. Very friendly and quick to respond to my questions. It was a pleasure doing business with her and I am looking for more reasons to buy her pieces because they are just amazing.)
I am also a Woman cognicscent of the differences between the two and of the sensitive issue of "claiming" someone else's child as your own.
As a Mom, I have a one of these.
It bears Hansel's & Gretel's names and birthstones.
It does not include Cinderella because I did not feel right adding her to a Mommy bracelet.
(Mostly because I was worried about how Maleficent would feel. )
So I've been on a search for a piece of jewelry that was unique and that would allow me to proudly display my role as a Stepmom. Something that reflected my relationship with Cinderella.
I found it here.
Unique. Handstamped. Personalized. Perfect!
I saw this necklace and fell in love.
I contacted the site's owner and designer (Beth Philbin) and asked if I could have "Stepmom" stamped on the charm.
I could! In fact Beth said she could stamp it on any charm that's large enough.
I liked this necklace because I could incorporate my stepdaughter's name and her birthstone. As I did in the bracelet for Hansel & Gretel.
I love it.
It's sparkly. It's simple. It's unique.
Just like Her.
If you're a Stepmom and in the market for a unique piece of jewelry to celebrate your Stepmommyhood, I urge you to visit Beth's site and pick one up for yourself.
(Beth was an absolute delight. Very friendly and quick to respond to my questions. It was a pleasure doing business with her and I am looking for more reasons to buy her pieces because they are just amazing.)
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