Sunday, July 3, 2011

A Matter of Time

The kids are going to see their Dad today.
Technically, this weekend is my custodial weekend with them.
But the lines of custody and visitation are blurred in our home lately.
And I'm ok with that.
For ten years we were controlled by a strict custodial schedule with Cinderella, which did little to foster a positive relationship between her and her mother. Instead it served as a constant reminder of the bitter court battles, arguments and disparaging remarks out of which the custody "agreement" was born... and mostly, a convenient excuse to perpetuate it all. For. Ten. Years.
There was NO give and take. Every second was accounted for, planned out months in advance with no allowance for last minute changes or negotiations.
No compromises.
No swapping of days or weekends.
Period.
But today, the kids asked to see their Dad. And, so ... they are going to see him.
His time vs. my time?
Who gives a rat's ass.
They're OUR kids.
So it's OUR time to do with as we choose. They want to see him, and it's not about me.
Period.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

wish more divorced parents approached it this way but then we get accused of being child-centric too. ugh. can't win as a divorced parent. can't win as a stepparent.

I'm sure your children will be grateful to you for handling it this way.

stef said...

It's the kid's time and I think you are doing an awesome job!`

SaraKate said...

That is the PERFECT response! My parents were able to have an amicable divorce, and I am so sad every day that my husband & his ex (well, mostly his ex), can't be the same, and worry the most about the good of the child, rather than whose possession the child is.

Anonymous said...

you have to remember that a lot of people keep logs of how much time they have had with their kids. They then use the amount of time to bid for some other thing (yet more time, more money, etc.). Conversely, parents may also document it as "a time when the kids wanted to be with one parent over another" or "evidence of friendliness toward the other parent" and rack up points that way. Family Court is a bunch of pretense and manure. And the lawyers perpetuate it and charge for it.

Child-centric is a judgment up for debate. My ex uses it to justify all manner of demands. "You are not being child-centric if you don't let us do x, y or z" etc. It's just one more stick to beat the other parent with.

The Stepmother Diaries said...

This is great for couples who don't keep score, but I'm not sure it's possible when the other side doesn't play nicely.