"Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to..."
Breaking the fourth wall of this fairytale story has become a double-edged sword lately.
This blog and Twitter have been my forum for seven years.
Both started as a place of anonymity where I could escape my reality and write, vent, wax philosophical or mindlessly ramble without feeling the need to censor myself out of fear of someone I know reading it and potentially getting offended.
Writing for me, is therapeutic. And I'll be the first to admit I've needed LOTS of therapy.
Over the years, however, I've let down my guard. Let some people in on my seekrit life as a blogger and tweeter. I allowed real life to cross over into my virtual life.
And with that has come the challenge of sometimes knowing WHO is reading, and sometimes holding back on what I want or need to say just to avoid dealing with the backlash.
And that... sucks.
Part of the healing path I have been on this past year is letting go of my need to control everything and everyone, speaking up for myself and focusing on the things which I CAN control.
I can't stop people from reading my blog. Or my tweets.
I can choose to stop writing - but that would just hurt me.
I can choose to go private and limit who is allowed to see what I have to say - but that would hurt those who look to my blog for some comfort or sense of stability or realism or whatever other reason those of you who keep coming back, come back.
Remaining public is a blessing (albeit sometimes a mixed blessing). I benefit from the many different opinions and kinds of feedback that gets posted. Be it positive or otherwise, I always try to learn something from each and every comment listed.
So, I'm going to keep practicing walking the walk and talking the talk.
I'm not going to worry about who is reading, or censor what I have to say out of fear of threats to post a comment in response, or getting pissy texts and phone calls or emails criticizing what I had to say.
This blog is my personal account of the events in MY life. My emotional responses to them, rational or not. My opinions - biased or otherwise.
Take my words however you wish. Interpret them (or misinterpret) however you like.
Learn from them - or don't. It's your choice.
Just like I can't control if someone chooses to read my blog, no one can control what I write.
And if you don't like what you see, you don't have to keep reading.
As for me, I'll keep writing. No matter what.