Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Just Breathe

"Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to..."

Breaking the fourth wall of this fairytale story has become a double-edged sword lately.
This blog and Twitter have been my forum for seven years.
Both started as a place of anonymity where I could escape my reality and write, vent, wax philosophical or mindlessly ramble without feeling the need to censor myself out of fear of someone I know reading it and potentially getting offended.
Writing for me, is therapeutic. And I'll be the first to admit I've needed LOTS of therapy.
Over the years, however, I've let down my guard. Let some people in on my seekrit life as a blogger and tweeter. I allowed real life to cross over into my virtual life.
And with that has come the challenge of sometimes knowing WHO is reading, and sometimes holding back on what I want or need to say just to avoid dealing with the backlash.
And that... sucks.
Part of the healing path I have been on this past year is letting go of my need to control everything and everyone, speaking up for myself and focusing on the things which I CAN control.
I can't stop people from reading my blog. Or my tweets.
I can choose to stop writing - but that would just hurt me.
I can choose to go private and limit who is allowed to see what I have to say - but that would hurt those who look to my blog for some comfort or sense of stability or realism or whatever other reason those of you who keep coming back, come back.
Remaining public is a blessing (albeit sometimes a mixed blessing).  I benefit from the many different opinions and kinds of feedback that gets posted.  Be it positive or otherwise,  I always try to learn something from each and every comment listed.
So, I'm going to keep practicing walking the walk and talking the talk.
I'm not going to worry about who is reading, or censor what I have to say out of fear of threats to post a comment in response, or getting pissy texts and phone calls or emails criticizing what I had to say.
This blog is my personal account of the events in MY life. My emotional responses to them, rational or not. My opinions - biased or otherwise.
Take my words however you wish. Interpret them (or misinterpret) however you like.
Learn from them - or don't. It's your choice.
Just like I can't control if someone chooses to read my blog, no one can control what I write.
And if you don't like what you see, you don't have to keep reading.
As for me, I'll keep writing. No matter what.


Marty said...

And there are those of us out there who will keep reading and supporting you. Just remember that.

Anonymous said...

you go girl

Anonymous said...

Hey Wicked, I am a stepmom and love reading your blog. I am one of those who support you. Write how you feel, keep it real. You are helping people (and helping me) by doing so. Best wishes!!

TCJCTC said...

I'm just finding out about your website. What I have read so far allows me to know I'm not alone. I've been in need of a place to go whether to vent, cry, or ask for advice in regards to my step parenting role. So please keep writing for your own relief and for the desperate evil step moms like me. Thanks!

mommynurse said...

I am so gled that you have chosen to continue blogging. Sometimes as I go through my own day to day challenges as a mom and stepmom, it helps to read your blog....it makes me realize I am not alone. Your strength gives me hope and inspires my own strength. God bless you.

Anonymous said...

and you can also keep deleting balanced and well-reasoned comments from biomoms that don't make your own stuff sound good enough.

Wicked Stepmom said...

I don't as a practice delete comments. Everyone has a right to express an opinion. However, if a comment posted is just plain abusive, it's my right to remove it in an effort to keep my blog as a place of support and healing.

Anonymous said...

Bravo Cate! In response to the "balanced and well-reasoned comments" person - it makes no difference if you are a "bio-mom" or not. We are all mothers here, some by flesh and blood, and some because we have made the conscious choice to love and raise our husband's child. I commend you, Cate, for sharing such a personal story. It has helped so many of us in similar situations find comfort, support, and hope.

Missy said...

Your blog helped me to know that as a step mom it's ok to complain! Thanks!

Monika King said...

I see you as a very brave, independent woman. Just keep on movin' on! Don't let one tell you what to do unless you want to do it.

Anonymous said...

WSM, Your posts have been every bit as comforting and guiding as you can imagine. I stumbled across them one day, and started reading as you went. I was captivated by your story and started at the beginning. Please don't ever stop sharing. Your experiences have help me deal with being a step mom and with helping my husband be a step dad to my kids too. You gave me hope and sanity when i didn't know where else to find it. Thank you for sharing with us, for letting us into the most emotional aspects of your life, for the support.

SugarScribes said...

I just found your blog so I am grateful that it is open to the public. I have read and benefited from the birthday post and intend to read much more. I congratulate you on your attitude and I admire you for doing whatever it takes to put the kids first. I have often said the exact words of your mantra, "love your kids more than you hate your ex"- or your spouse's ex to my ex.

I am a divorced mother with young kids who is remarried to a man with four kids. My ex recently remarried. I used to have a wonderful relationship with my ex for the benefit of our kids, he and his parents always attended family gatherings for holidays and birthdays and even vacationed with my family (including my current husband & his family) a few times. That all changed shortly after he remarried. Now he is not permitted to even talk to me on the telephone about our kids. We now have seperate birthday parties and the kids seldom see their dad on holidays because he travels out of state with his new wife and her child to visit her family. It is so very sad for our kids.

Thank you for your blog. I can't wait to read more.