Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I Could Write a Book.

I could have written an entire post about how at Cinderella's recent drama club performance (in which we were seated directly OPPOSITE Maleficent and Diablo) we spent half of the performance shielding hateful glares, stares and smirks.

I could have written a tome on how Maleficent has been instigating stressful situations only to hide behind some ridiculous doctor's note saying that it's not good for her health to be stressed (which translates into her ignoring phone calls and emails ONCE AGAIN).

I could have rehashed the recent weeks in which Cinderella has suddenly found her voice and is beginning to speak out against her Mom telling us of the constant verbal abuse she suffers at Maleficent's and Diablo's hands whenever Prince Charming tries to uphold the custody agreement or establish communication of ANY kind.

I could tell you of how my heart aches for this poor child and how proud I am at the same time for the grace with which she is handling things all-the-while knowing of the pain she has yet to speak.

Or of how many times I have advocated, defended and empathized with a woman who vilifies me and makes assumptions based on her own insecurities; who calls my husband and I the most vile and hateful names IN FRONT OF and TO Cinderella.

Instead I wrote about a random incident in which it might appear as though I overreacted to Maleficent and perhaps treated her unfairly. I might have. And then again I might have been having a rational reaction after months of trying to be the BIGGER person.

I chose not to write about any of these. As much as writing can be therapeutic it can also be exhausting to have to relive these moments with Maleficent. So I chose to keep them to myself.

Instead of writing a book, I am trying to read a book.
This book.
Hoping it will offer some peace or sanity to what has become an almost unbearable situation.

I need to figure out a way of not letting Maleficent be MY problem.
I cannot control her but I can try to control my reaction to her.
I can focus on being the cure for Cinderella's pain while letting my husband deal with the cause.
I can stop advocating for her. She does not see or appreciate it anyway.

In making me the enemy, Maleficent has lost the only ally she had in this house.


The Ravenstahls said...

I think you are doing a great job of staying on "your side of the street."
Must be awful at times, but it is great that your daughter has you to lean on when her first mother tears her down.

dragonmctt said...

Hang in there! I can't say you will ever find any sanity, as these women are insane, but you can definitely find some peace within yourself from knowing you have always done what you could to fight for hubby's rights and have always been there for Cinderella.

Mental illness or not, Maleficent is the only one responsible for her actions and the resulting relationship she has with her daughter. The best you can do is teach Cinderella some tools for how to deal with it. It took a long time for me to accept that there was nothing I could do to prevent SSons from having to go through what they have to go through. All DH and I can do is be there for them and help them get through it.

You're doing a great job!

Anonymous said...
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Marty, a.k.a. canape said...

"I can focus on being the cure for Cinderella's pain while letting my husband deal with the cause."


Anonymous said...


I wouldn't reach out to her anymore until she actually earns that kind of relationship with you.

It takes two to want a healthy relationship...it can't be one-sided. She doesn't deserve an ally in you, it's time she earned it and there is nothing wrong with letting your husband be the buffer for you and yours with M.

Smirking Cat said...

I have to agree, when a parent refuses to do what is best for the kids, the best you can do sometimes is be there to catch the kids and help them deal with their disappointment and pain.

dragonflymama said...

"In making me the enemy, Maleficent has lost the only ally she had in this house."

Why oh why don't they get that simple fact? Why do we have to be the enemy? I just don't get it.