Monday, December 18, 2006

Be Careful What You Wish For

Cinderella's music teacher is giving her a free violin rental.
Really?
Yeah. They think she has potential so they want her to keep practicing.
I had no idea.
***
There is a winter concert at Cinderella's school tomorrow night.
Oh. I was not aware of that.
***
Cinderella is earning her Yellow Belt tonight in Tae Kwon Do.
(The Boy was going to the same belt promotion ceremony that night. I was unaware that Cinderella's age group would also be there.)
***
My
request for space has left me feeling out of the loop.
Once again, feeling like an outsider intruding on Their relationship.
Like a stranger in my own Home.
Like it's Them against Me.
These feelings are all to familiar. I have started to feel emotional reactions that I haven't felt in a long time. Since we first became a blended Family over seven years ago.
(Well, what did you expect? You asked for this, didn't you?)
You're right. You're right. I know you're right.
Still, I'm feeling conflicted.
Conflicted between my absence-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder theory.

Conflicted by my knowledge of what the Psychologist called in to help with the Custody Case noted: She is the most stabilizing factor in Cinderella's life right now. My involvement and supervision has provided Cinderella with some much-needed structure.
And most of all conflicted by my overwhelming need for have some sense of Control over everything in my Life thanks to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
(It never ceases to amaze me just how far reaching the effects of His actions are in my Life.)

Hubby and I continue to struggle with finding how to balance my request while not neglecting Cinderella's needs or our own needs as a couple and parents. Mixed signals are being sent. Conflicts have arisen.
Cinderella is beginning to show signs of a child looking for attention. Her passive-aggressive defiance is on the rise.
A solution needs to be found quickly. I hope that one will be found by way of family (as well as individual) counseling that we will be resuming soon.
(Hubby found a job! With a steady salary! And benefits!)
(YAY!)

3 comments:

stepblog said...

It seems like some sort of balance is what you need - you stepping back a bit doesn't mean you shouldn't know about her schedule and life, does it? Of course not. So it's not all or nothing. I feel for you.

rose said...

Congratulations on the hubby's new job!
I'm sure it will contribute greatly to the entire family's sense of wellbeing!
Merry Christmas!

Sarah said...

I so completely understand what you are going through, I had a bit of a meltdown after my second bio-child and the start of a custody battle where I just had had enough...ENOUGH. Then I started feeling weird when I didn't know about things and when hubby was forgetting to keep me in the loop. It's hard to find balance...but we will I am sure! Take care and happy holiday!