Monday, December 18, 2006

Be Careful What You Wish For

Cinderella's music teacher is giving her a free violin rental.
Yeah. They think she has potential so they want her to keep practicing.
I had no idea.
There is a winter concert at Cinderella's school tomorrow night.
Oh. I was not aware of that.
Cinderella is earning her Yellow Belt tonight in Tae Kwon Do.
(The Boy was going to the same belt promotion ceremony that night. I was unaware that Cinderella's age group would also be there.)
request for space has left me feeling out of the loop.
Once again, feeling like an outsider intruding on Their relationship.
Like a stranger in my own Home.
Like it's Them against Me.
These feelings are all to familiar. I have started to feel emotional reactions that I haven't felt in a long time. Since we first became a blended Family over seven years ago.
(Well, what did you expect? You asked for this, didn't you?)
You're right. You're right. I know you're right.
Still, I'm feeling conflicted.
Conflicted between my absence-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder theory.

Conflicted by my knowledge of what the Psychologist called in to help with the Custody Case noted: She is the most stabilizing factor in Cinderella's life right now. My involvement and supervision has provided Cinderella with some much-needed structure.
And most of all conflicted by my overwhelming need for have some sense of Control over everything in my Life thanks to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
(It never ceases to amaze me just how far reaching the effects of His actions are in my Life.)

Hubby and I continue to struggle with finding how to balance my request while not neglecting Cinderella's needs or our own needs as a couple and parents. Mixed signals are being sent. Conflicts have arisen.
Cinderella is beginning to show signs of a child looking for attention. Her passive-aggressive defiance is on the rise.
A solution needs to be found quickly. I hope that one will be found by way of family (as well as individual) counseling that we will be resuming soon.
(Hubby found a job! With a steady salary! And benefits!)


stepblog said...

It seems like some sort of balance is what you need - you stepping back a bit doesn't mean you shouldn't know about her schedule and life, does it? Of course not. So it's not all or nothing. I feel for you.

rose said...

Congratulations on the hubby's new job!
I'm sure it will contribute greatly to the entire family's sense of wellbeing!
Merry Christmas!

Sarah said...

I so completely understand what you are going through, I had a bit of a meltdown after my second bio-child and the start of a custody battle where I just had had enough...ENOUGH. Then I started feeling weird when I didn't know about things and when hubby was forgetting to keep me in the loop. It's hard to find balance...but we will I am sure! Take care and happy holiday!