Mommy, it's boring being stuck here with You and The Mouse all day.
His words catch me by surprise... their honesty stinging me to the core.
I try not to react but after the sixth time of him making this statement I find it difficult to ignore.
Please don't say that. It hurts Mommy's feelings.
But Mommy, it's boring being stuck here all day with you.
Not 3 weeks ago, I enjoyed marveling along with his pediatrician about how articulate The Boy is for 3 1/2 and now I find myself wishing he lacked the ability to express his feelings so openly.
The guilt and anger start to bubble up.
I am beginning to realize the true impact of Cinderella's custody trial.
It has in many ways left us crippled, both financially and emotionally.
We cannot afford to send The Boy to preschool but it was decided by the Lawyers in the custody case that my husband CAN afford $500 for Cinderella's summer camp.
We'll waive $500 from our bill so she can go to the camp, The-Powers-That-Be tell my husband.
That $500 which covers only two weeks of camp would have paid for 2 1/2 months of preschool or a myriad of other bills (like the running tab at several therapists).
The Judge or the Lawyers don't care about that, He tells me.
They may not, but I do.
It doesn't matter. This isn't about us or The Boy.
Isn't it?
We're not a Family of One. We are a family of Five.
Cinderella is the primary focus but her Brother and the rest of her Family are affected by the decisions being made for her benefit.
The Boy has lost out on a needed educational opportunity in exchange for the luxury of an extracurricular activity which doesn't start for another 5 months.
He must spend his days at home while his Mommy struggles to befriend the Enemy and let go of the anger, adjust to a new custody routine and juggle having 3 children at home full-time, while also trying to provide an enriching environment that stimulates his intellect because she is feeling guilty of neglecting his developmental needs.
The guilt brings on the anger which I am trying so desperately to overcome.
The costs associated with a bitter custody case run deep.
The question still remains, how deep do my emotional pockets run?
5 comments:
You know, I am going thru the samething with my SS BM.... I have the same fustration as you do. Here I am trying to see how I can send my daughter to Dance class, but yet BM can simply say.. "I cant afford to pay you full child support." How does that make any sense. I am SOOOOO bitter at the fact that I now have to tell my daughter NO... so we have to say YES to her kids. Don't get me wrong... I love my SS to death, I just hate the fact that she gets off so easy, but yet I am the EVIL Stepmother. Thanks in letting me know I am not alone!
Dolfin - Thanks to you as well for letting me know that *I* am not alone. All we can do is love our kids and try to make the best decisions for all of them.
Anna - Thanks for the words of encouragement. You stay strong as well and I hope the situation improves you and your SS.
Queen: Interesting analogy! You're right, all we can do is love our children (bio AND step) and hope everything will work out for the best. :)
Mary: Thanks for offering a different perspective. Somewhere along the lines I forgot that it's normal for kids to get bored (and ok, too!) and that it's not my job to help him entertain himself 24/7. Thanks for the gentle reminder. :)
Post a Comment