Stepmom to Stepmom: A Call for Support

A reader and stepmom-to-be, K10ish, needs some advice and support.

She writes: "I think I may be at my 'step mom to be' limit. Who do we talk to?"

The following poem of hers is thoughtful, insightful, and touched deep into the heart of my own struggles as a Stepmom, as I'm sure it will for some of you. Please help K10ish know that she is not alone. Leave your comments here or on her lovely blog: Hindsight, Relationships and Looking Inside Me.

The Sub

In the shadow

never THE mom

or THE dad

just the substitute.

Love like they are your own

honest and pure

You are not their own

They have their own.

On the bench.

That's where you sit

You are not the first string.

It's OK for a while, it's not a competition.

It's your heart.

Your love.

This is your ready made family.

And it's not yours.

It's theirs. Their Mom. Their Dad.

But divorced.

Extra wheel.

That's you. That's me.

You only need an extra wheel

When the others aren't good.

But just for a little while.

You are easily replaced.

You are not one of them.

Can anyone see this but me?

Who do you talk to?

How do you discuss your pain?

What do you do with your hurt?

When they all stand together in one place

it's random, a birthday party, a school conference

where do you stand.

Alone.

Monday's Mailbag: Stepfathers

Dear Wicked:

What about stepdads? Can you offer any pearls of wisdom for the Dads out there facing similar struggles?

Signed,
New (Second)Dad

Dear Dad II,

From what I've seen and experienced Stepparent struggles know no gender. Stepmoms and Stepdads face many of the same challenges, as you noted, so I hope you've found some solace here since online resources are (sadly) limited.

(Though my Stepdad made it look so easy. He was the coolest most down-to-earth guy who NEVER got his feathers ruffled. I miss him.)

But if you're looking from some places geared just for Stepdad's try here and here. Also give these Dads a shout and see if they can scout out a blogging Stepdad to add to their family.

Good luck!
W.S.