Friday, January 22, 2010

The Biology of Divorce II

Continued from here.

Maleficent eavesdropped on overheard Cinderella's call to her Law Guardian and, well, you can just IMAGINE her reaction.
The law guardian called Prince Charming. He called me to find out what happened, but with our current "situation" he was less interested in hearing what I had to say.
(He admitted his first reactions were "Who the fuck does she think she is." "Cinderella is MY daughter, not hers.")
The law guardian allowed Cinderella to stay at Maleficent's that night because I was home with the kids and Prince Charming wasn't. (It was my "custody" day of our in-house separation.)
The following week, school guidance counselors and social workers were involved thanks to persistent phone calls by a revenge-driven Maleficent. She wanted CPS called in to investigate.
Prince Charming was overwhelmed with phone calls and battled his personal feelings towards me as he tried to reassure EVERYONE (mostly himself) that things had been blown out of proportion.
In a single phone call, Cinderella became her mother, alienating and vilifying me.
Prince Charming called the house for the days that followed asking Cinderella how she was while never ONCE asking ME if things had improved with HER behavior.
A discipline problem with a teenager became something ugly and hurtful.
Loyalites and lines were drawn left me feeling like it was THEM against ME.
Thirteen years of struggling and fighting to do what's best for Cinderella seemed to have been tossed aside and meant nothing.
Biology won out over the truth and fairness.
I felt hurt and betrayed.

But...so is Cinderella.
She is going through yet another divorce. The family she has known for the past ten years is breaking up and changing.
She feels her Dad doesn't want to be here.
She thinks she will not see me again.
She expects (though we keep reassuring her to the contrary) that her Dad and I will engage in daily battles like her mother has.
And now she has to endure more of Maleficent's hatred of me as she does everything she can to make sure Cinderella has NOTHING to do with me after our divorce.

She is thirteen.
And all that that implies people.

10 comments:

Amy and Jason said...

I am SO sorry you are going through this.

Sharon said...

This is heartbreaking. Teenagers can be so selfish and cruel. I do hope things get better.

Stepped in H-E Double L said...

I didn't realize that you were having marital issues along with all the teen drama.That really stinks. My husband and I have talked about that too, separation, but we decided that we have all suffered enough at the hands of divorce and we need to work things out. And we are doing okay. Not marital bliss, but okay.

Maybe if the two of you try to concentrate on just you for a little while, the rest of this drama will go away. I read about another blogger whose marriage was at this same point and they made an agreement to have No Drama. It's been about a month and they are falling in love all over again. It really helped me feel a sense of hope after reading that.

stef said...

Oh wow I don't even know what to say... except *hugs* big ones.

Selfish Stepmom said...

I just came across your blog, and I'm so happy to find someone in the same boat as me, however, it appears I'm still in the early stages. I married a man 3 years ago that has 3 children, one of which recently came to live with us. I've decided to document my experiences as a stepmom through a blog as well. If anyone is interested, it's called "Tales of a Selfish Stepmother" and can be found at www.selfishstepmom.blogspot.com.

Anonymous said...

I am confused. She is thirteen, but you broke the plate?

Erin said...

I'm a long-time reader of your blog and it breaks me up to hear what's going on with your family. You and your husband are one of a few stepfamilies I know of going through a divorce.

As a stepmom to a teen-ager myself all I can offer is to do exactly what you've done before: keep your head held high and try to remember it's a phase that she's going through.

Hugs to you hon.

Christmas said...

harsh. I myself went through a very difficult situation similiar to yours, although myself and my Price Charming made it through. The kids, however, have not yet. A mother, no matter how horrible the past deeds have been, holds a strange and powerful magic over her own kids. This is something I learned first hand, the worst way possible. All I can say is that I'm sorry. I understand what you're going through somewhat, and it will not get easier. It WILL get harder, and if her Mom doesn't like you, then it's going to be that much harder. I have 2 teenage step-kids, and it is litterally impossible, since their mother hates me, to have a relationship with them. Do what you can, understand that it very well might not be enough, and it will never be fair.

Anonymous said...

Why oh why don't you butt out of your step daughter's life? She has her biological parent's divorce/issues to deal with and now yours as well? Let her live with her mom.

Evil Stepmom for 11+ Years said...

Sounds like "anonymous" is the Malfeces in this situation.... could it be? I bet it is. So, if "anonymous" IS Malfeces.... she needs to stop reading your blog and but out of YOUR Life... just sayin'

You're Blog has made me tear up...Thank You for writing it... I grieve that I have never had the opportunity to have these 'moments' with my 4 stepkids... they have remained Cold, Distant, Secretive, and Un-approachable for 11+ years...*sigh*

Good Luck!