Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Communication Roadblock

Cinderella comes home with a note last night from school.
She has a MANDATORY choral concert next Monday. It counts as a test grade for her class.
Mondays are Maleficent's visitation days, so the onus will be on her to take Cinderella.
With her recent claims of health issues and excuses of not being able to drive her daughter anywhere, we are concerned over Maleficent's ability to come through.
(Maleficent bailed out on bringing Cindy to drama rehearsals last week.)
Prince Charming tries calling Maleficent to give her the courtesy of as much of a heads up as possible.
Diablo answers the phone. He has taken to running interference, going so far as to call the house for Maleficent when she wants to talk to Cinderella and answering the phone whenever Cinderella calls there... just in case.
Diablo refuses to give the phone to Maleficent, instructs Prince Charming to communicate in email and tells him "I pay the phone bill here, so don't call again."
The rest of the call was a blur, but it ended badly. Threats were made, names were called, Diablo hung up.
Prince Charming regrettably allowed Diablo to pull him down to his level.
Diablo is trying to protect his lady love. I get that.
But he has no business putting himself in the middle of a pre-existing court order designed to facilitate ongoing communication between Cinderella's parents.
They have enough trouble on their own, they don't need a macho bully fanning the fires.

16 comments:

Blueydmuse said...

Oh boy. If it's not one thing, it's another. How can the school require something outside of school hours? Can you explain the situation to the school and see if Cinderella can do something else for the grade?

Just Me :) said...

we have very similar issues with Cruella and her current hubby. It kind of goes in waves though. But at it's high point her hubby with meet Pongo at the door, only open it wide enough for the kids to SQUEEZE in and then promptly shut the door in Pongo's face. Does WONDERS for communication!

A Farmer's Wife said...

I can't tell you how comforting it is to know that others go through the same things we do. On the other hand I am so heartbroken for what all of these poor children must go through. Our boys are in constant turmoil and anger. Their mother lies continually to them about their father and now their step-father is doing the same thing. We have no idea how to counter their lies because 9 times out of 10 we don't even know about them. The step-father has made numerous threats to my husband and I hate it! Any suggestions on dealing with the other parents' anger/aggression would be most helpful! Thank you for your honest and open blog! You are such a help to those of us in the same boat!

Lani said...

:(

Sending you lots of hugs.

Rob said...

Can you keep her home and bring her to the concert yourselves? If Maleficent and Diablo take you back to court because you violated the order, can you cite previous violations by Maleficent as precedent for doing "the right thing" for the child this time? It is a madatory school function, after all - and if you have issues as to whether Maleficent can bring her there, you should have a way to address that grievance.

Granted it's forcing the situation, but if you let Maleficient have her, and then the kid doesn't show, isn't that negligence?

--*Rob

Mrs. H said...

Icky ick.

I'm assuming that the choral concert attendance was made clear at the beginning of the school year and this was a follow-up note?

As a music teacher, one of my biggest headaches is making some parents understand that their children work for months for this performance and that it is vital all healthy kids attend.

As for the communication part of it, something needs to give. I can't imagine how frustrating this must all be for you guys. It sucks when people are unreasonable just for the sake of being unreasonable.

Hang in there!

Wicked Stepmom said...

Mrs. H -

You assume incorrectly. This is the first communication we have received from the music teacher. Cinderella mentioned it to me last week to which I replied "Where is the notice from your teacher?" as I was concerned it would fall on one of Maleficent's days.

She is a new teacher, and was involved in the recent drama club production, so I am trying to cut her some slack. Hopefully she will get her act together and not save these kinds of notices for the LAST minute.

Wicked Stepmom said...

Rob -

I am sure visitation could be denied if Maleficent were to refuse to bring Cinderella.

The bigger concern is M's REFUSAL to get on the phone to find out WHY my husband was calling. He was trying to be considerate (although she does not deserve it, IMO) and he was insulted and dismissed by a person whose only motives are to antagonize my husband.

Afterwards, PrinceCharming left a message on Maleficent's cell phone with all of the pertinent information. He heard back from M this morning in email stating that she will bring Cinderella to the concert.

Wicked Stepmom said...

A Farmer's Wife -

We try to put as much distance as we can - taking time to respond and/or react. Last night, PC was caught off-guard and not prepared for a confrontation with Maleficent's boyfriend. The advice I typically give to my husband is to treat all communications with Maleficent like a business deal - removing all emotions, sticking JUST to the facts. It takes a lot of preparation and practice.

lifesramblings said...

In our situation, we have the opposite going on...well sort of anyway. My hubby would prefer to communicate with his ex via email, but the ex's boyfriend just will not stand for that and demands that my hubby call the ex instead. And by call, I mean call their house, my assumption is so he can closely monitor any and all communications between them. It's so frustrating when the parents who obviously already have issues working together have a third party involved causing more issues. Good luck to you all...and hopefully the issue gets resolved in time for the kiddo to make it to her concert!

The Ravenstahls said...

oh, gross! i hate when grown-ups act like highschoolers.
So glad Cindy has you guys to be appropriate role models!!

Sarah said...

Dear Wicked Stepmom, as a fellow wicked stempmom (or step queen as like to think, hehe) it is so nice to read your blog. It has been very hard for me to see my husband and his ex fighting over the stupidest things. The most recent fight being about whether his child can see his mother without supervision.

And of course the courts treat all men as if they are dead beat dads. Boy is that frustrating to watch. My husband certainly is not a dead beat and always pays his $800 a month child support (yes, that is for one child).

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for writing about your life so those of us who can't write about these problems (for fear the ex-wife will see our blogs) can know we are not alone!

Esther said...

I just found your blog...and I love it! So creative and I love the "Character" theme! Afterall...it is a big production we are all in! :)

It is nice to know we are not alone...we have similar communication problems between our homes. Recently, we found out that BM doesn't let my SD call during the week. Only has one call allowed on the weekend. Apparently, SD has asked to call us, and has been told "no." Hubby just found this out, and is really ticked...trying to wait until after the holidays to address it.

movin' down the road said...

I am glad my ex isnt remarried. and J has no ex or kids. And that my ex is somewhat decent. AND glad our concert is tomorrow DURING school hours!!

Anonymous said...

My Cinderella is participating in one of the twice a year visits her bio mom over this Christmas...mainly b/c I have come into the picture 10 months ago...The bio sends nothing $$$$ during the year and never sends even a b-day present or card...but spends on her daugher lavishly when she does get her...buying useless things that don't last....I mean come on...If she can afford a new Cadiallac and a new house...couldn't she send something $$$ for her own daughter's braces...I mean...she IS a dental hygenist for goodness sake??? And of course she is on the throne that her daugher puts her on....so untouchable...yet daughter goes and tell ugly lies about me and my Prine (her Daddy) who has raised her for the past 7 years....who desperately needs a new car, but puts her needs ahead of his....God help us....and we voluntarily do and give of our time, love, and finances....Help me Lord....

Anonymous said...

How about this?...Ezmerelda (bio mom) makes NO school events ALL year...missed EVERY football game, concert, play, birthday, came for NO VISITATION...THEN calls and demands to get TinkerBell (my step daugher) for 2 wks at Christmas...which my Prince allows???

AND Ezmerelda used TinkerBell to beg ME for video tapes of all TinkerBell's events (which I attened and taped with my video camera..and have no copies of the original tapes..and would have to send the camera in order for the tapes to be played which also have my bio daughter on them...which also means I would have no way to video tape Christmas????) to which I said No....like 100 times literally... causing TinkerBell to be VERY upset w/ me when she left to go see Ezmerelda!!!!

Why, why are we that give everything to these children whose real mom gives nothing....why are we to blame for their lives being so mixed up when all we are trying to do is be there and support them when their Ezmerelda's forget they even exist until holidays when family gathering occur??...

I mean get real...the only reason Ezmerelda wanted the video was NOT to praise TinkerBell and see what she has been up to ALL yr....No....Ezmerelda just wanted to SHOW OFF what a lovely young lady Tinker Bell has become with the claim that SHE is her mother (though she has done absolutely nothing to raise her...and has left it all in my Prince's hands)....

Do you know one of the very few conversations...the first one to be exact that I ever had with Ezmerelda...this demented woman told me that my role (as a custodial stepmom) was NOT to be a parent...It was to provide for TinkerBell financially and be her friend...b/c she ALREADY has a mom and a dad...

Uhhhhhh.....My definition of a mom and her definition of a mom are obviously COMPLETELY different...How are you a MOM when you NEVER see your child, NEVER there to give her a hug or kiss...NEVER there to do homework or put on bandaids...or answer life's questions?.......WHATEVER....

I am not a victim...I love TinkerBEll as my own...and DO NOT play into Ezmerelda's hand....and stay in constant prayer for my TinkerBell as she must become wise enough to one day see through the web of lies Ezmerelda covers her with....