It wasn't too long ago that I had extended a helping hand to Maleficent by driving Cinderella to her house. And that wasn't the first time I helped her out in that department either.
So why where we surprised when Maleficent did not take that into consideration when she recently was LATE dropping Cinderella off at the farm where we volunteer (an activity she does not let Cinderella participate in), leaving me WAITING in the car in the DARK and COLD with Hansel & Gretel and then REFUSED to bring Cindy home when I had to GO HOME TO COOK DINNER.
I called Prince Charming before I left, to let him know what was going on and that I needed to leave.
No problem, I will call Maleficent and ask her to take Cinderella home instead.
That did NOT happen.
Instead, Maleficent called him SCREAMING that HE would now have to come to HER HOUSE if he wanted Cinderella.
Then proceeded to hang up on him and turn OFF her phone.
The hostility and anger she felt from that night was offloaded on Cinderella for the entire time as the child sat waiting to see what would happen. Not knowing if she would be stuck spending the night at her Mom's or if her Dad would come to rescue her.
He did. And she was brought safely home.
It doesn't end there though.
(Does it ever?)
Maleficent's spitefulness reared it's ugly head a week later when Prince Charming asked if Cinderella could be allowed to come to Gretel's third birthday party. A party that was unavoidably taking place during Maleficent's weekend.
(In years past, we have always planned family celebrations for weekends when Cinderella was HOME, but this year we could not.)
(Not that it should matter, for during the sumer Maleficent was in the SAME situation with her parents' 50th Wedding Anniversary that was scheduled for a weekend Cinderella was home with us. Prince Charming was happy to allow Cinderella to go to that party, WITHOUT asking to make up for the time. It was a family celebration, afterall.)
Cinderella asked her Mom if she could come to her sister's party. Maleficent refused.
Prince Charming then asked and was told Maleficent had special plans for Cinderella that day which Cindy was quite excited about.
Oh yes, those must have been tears of JOY we saw on Cinderella's face.
In the end, Cinderella missed out on the only celebration we had for Gretel and seeing her family in exchange for going to a CRAFT STORE with her mother.
And here I thought she couldn't get any lower.
9 comments:
They never quit, do they?? I don't understand why it's always about them and never about the child. It amazes me.
Wow WS... I wish this sounded more foreign than it did... I feel sad for Gretel too.
Always one-sided - ughh! These are the little things that Cindy will remember as she grows, and eventually they will piece them togehter and it will all make sense to her. And she will know that you guys were always accommodating and put her first, and Maleficent did not.
I am sure that "Cindy" would rather take part in family things with the people she is around most but there is something to be said about her mom wanting time with her; maybe it's not to 'punish your family' or treating Cindy like property.
Maybe she see that her connection with her daughter is strained and she to knows that Cindy would rather be with your family ... how can you blame the mom for not wanting to give that bond up?
Imagine your child snuggling up to the women that is living with your exhusband and imagine your child crying and not being able to wipe away the tears; as a mother I can only imagine one greater pain, as thankful as I would be that there is someone loving them I guess the only thing that would hurt worse is realizing that your only child would rather spend time with her other mom more then spend time with you.
Anon -
Cinderella doesn't want to be with us simply b/c she spends more time with us. Rather, because she is free from the stress, anxiety, guilt, and verbal diarrhea that she is subjected to when visiting her Mom.
Unfortunately, the bond that Maleficent wants with Cinderella is broken. And she's not going to get it back by forcing her daughter to be with her, nor by trash-talking her father and his wife.
WSM
With my ex, things were respectful, and accomdations were easily made between the sides, drama-free.
Wih my spouse's ex, we are the only ones that tried to be agreeable, and accomodating, she never reciprocated the same kind of decency back. So, we stopped accomodating, and stuck strictly to the court order.
In my opinion, and from my personal experience, if one side keeps being civil, and accomodating, when the other side, clearly has no intention of conducting themselves that way in return, what happens is, the other side starts to ignorantly think they're special and more deserving of special treatment.
The custodial side does not have to be accomodating. There is a parenting plan specifying the non-custodials parenting time, in black & white. No games, no drama, nothing.
And I would stick to it, and not make anymore special accomodations, since Maleficent doesn't show you guys the same respect and consideration back.
Maleficent does not deserve better treatment than you guys do.
This situation sounds familiar. We only seem to get "other visitations as mutually agreed upon" when it is convenient for the ex. If she needs a free babysitter, then we get extra visitation. When our son had a birthday, the ex promised my stepdaughter she could go, then miraculously didn't show up when we came to the meeting place for pick up. Of course her cell phone miraculously wasn't working when we were waiting in the car for an hour trying to decide if she was just late as usual or not coming at all.
We were also denied the "4 hours on the child's birthday", included in our parenting plan, on my stepdaughter's birthday, Memorial Day weekend. She told us that she wound up spending her birthday with a sitter so that her biomom could go to a local restaurant (which is better known for its bar)to decorate for her party, unfortunately, her biomom didn't made it back to the sitters to pick her up until 11pm. Very rarely does the situation work in favor of what our daughter wants or needs(she's 10).
I feel your pain. I know how frustrating all of this can be. Hang in there. Cinderella will remember how much you care. *hugs* from a fellow stepmom
Whew. I know. I totally know.
Agh. I'm frustrated just by reading this. We've gone through similar situations. Nobody wins. Everybody loses, especially your step-daughter.
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