Monday, June 28, 2010

Oh, Bother.

You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.
~ Christopher Robin 

Cinderella's graduation from 8th grade was this past week. 
I did not attend.
It's been 5 weeks since she and Prince Charming moved out. I have not spoken with nor seen her (except in passing the few times I've picked up/drop off Hansel and Gretel from their Dad's house).
I feel I've let her down. I can't help but think even though she has not spoken with me, never gave me the Mother's Day gift her Dad took her to get (where it did go, is a mystery to me, but I do have a guess) and has not asked to come see me, that she might have searched the crowd for me that day only to be disappointed with the realization I was not there teary eyed and with camera in-hand just as I did for her sister the week before.
My guilt abounds as only a mother can inflict on herself for failing her children.
So... Christopher Robin, I feel neither brave, nor strong, nor smart right now.


In searching for an appropriate quote to end this post, I found the rest of the above quote:

...but the most important thing is, even if we're apart...I'll always be with you.

Yes, Cinderella. I was with you that day, even if you didn't see me. My thoughts and my heart were celebrating with you, surrounding you, bursting with pride for you. And I was teary eyed as I walked at your side as you accepted your diploma searching the crowd for your two other parents, who were there teary-eyed and with cameras in hand.


stef said...

I've got tears in my eyes reading that. I hope that when the dust settles Cindy will rekindle your relationship. All you can do is love her.

Shannon said...

You did not FAIL Cinderella! If you had forgotten or ignored the event, then you would've failed. Don't be too hard on yourself during this time of transition.

Anonymous said...

I hope Cinderella will remember all you did for her. How you stood by her and supported her.
Thank you for the heartfelt and touching post.
*Hugs* ~MJ Schrader

Anonymous said...

I would guess that your relationship with Cinderella is a forever one, after all you've been through together. It must be very hard for you to trust that it will resume in a new form after all the changes, though.

I hope and believe that it will.

You are absolutely NOT a failure.

Anonymous said...

I read your blog, but there is stuff just gone unsaid. And I know its a protection thing but its like reading a story with missing chapters. Like were you not allowed to be there? Was it inapproriate to be there? Are you and Prince Charming on that bad terms that you cant request to go with him to just the big things? I am only asking cos I see your heart is there and with kids your presence does matter. You ve fought a good fight, and somehow I think Prince Charming still needs you when it comes to Cinderella....