Friday, February 20, 2009

Milestones Are Expensive

Pink rhinestone flowers.
Tres sparkly.
Tres expensive!
She's lucky I love her.

(Oh yeah, and I forgot about the PARENT permission form that has to be filled out when taking a minor to have their ears pierced! Needless to say I was riddled with guilt over the fact that I am not TECHNICALLY her parent or LEGAL guardian as I scribbled my signature and initials and forked over my cash. YES I am a goddamn GOODY-TWO-SHOES and OHMYGOD Maleficent will gave a SHIT FIT if she gets wind of this! Then I realized that, UNLIKE her, I actually HAVE the permission of the LEGAL & CUSTODIAL PARENT, so my signature is as good as his. So she can have her shit fit. And she can bite me.)


Anonymous said...

so this is totally the vindictive part of me...but after Cruella has managed to screw something up so bad I so love to be the one to complete it the 'right' way. Best of luck the this round of earrings ;)

sistermaryflanders said...

I had that same sort of naughty feeling when I signed as parent/guardian for my SS's trip to a local play place. Hey, once again - the sole legal parent approves...

Anonymous said...

"So she can have her shit fit. And she can bite me."

Taking the high ground again I see... very nice, perfect on the road to your desire for family harmony. How does it feel to see cindy uncomfortable and in the middle? Oh yeah, it's bio mom's fault that she may want to be in on this milestone for her daughter- (she knew all along you'd jump to it which is probably why she did it to early..)

My kids stepmom bought them their first high heels, makeup and cell phones. Of course with the very generous kind spirit of "here are these shiny new shoes- but ask your mom first.." "I Think you are old enough for makeup now here is a complete kit from me- but ask your mom first..." n (I was dying to give her sone a huge bag of candy and say you can eat all of this- but ask your mom first...

Wow, you are both so loving and wonderful and helpful to the whole bunus mom relationship.

best of luck in the drama that you have started this time, I'll send my prayers to Cindy.

Wicked Stepmom said...

Anon -

You couldn't be more wrong in your ASSumptions or analysis - except with your observation of me taking the higher road.

Not ALL Stepmoms are motivated by the petty need to "jump to it" and deny BioMoms anything. Just as I realize that not ALL BioMoms are as ego-maniacal as to think our every action is about YOU.

I am sorry if this might be the case with your situation, either real or IMAGINED.

Thanks for the good wishes. I wish the same for you. :)

Anonymous said...

"Milestone" and "She can have her Shit Fit" words you chose. You mentioned that she asked to be involved in this decision. A request that you denied, with a "bite me" attitude. If she does negatively respond to this latest gesture on your behalf- how is it related to her ego? Do you believe any milestones should be reserved for certain people in family units? Especially if the expectations have been made clear? (Lets say a grandmother always likes to do the first bra..) why do you experience such anger and joy at knowing you have overstepped a simple request that even your stepdaughter is aware of? I think you completely miss the boat on who is driving the drama. You've sent emails calling her behavior "pathetic", if she responded negatively to you, I think you would have blogged about it. She simply requested that the emails from you stop. Saying you take the higher ground, doesn't make it true. Saying you put the best interests of cindy first doesn't make it true. And Saying this bio mother is an unreasonable ego maniac doesn't make it true. All three are highly unlikely given the circumstances you report.

Anonymous said...

If the bio-mother wanted to push the issue; she could subpoena the papers that you falsly signed. She could also file legal charges for you claiming to be the mother.

It doesn't matter who gives you permission to sign. You should have had Dad sign them and you turn them in.

If Dad gave you permission, to do something else ILLEGAL (pretending to be her real mother) to your step daughter, would that be ok too? It's ok dear go buy her a six pack of beer, it's ok to sign for daughter to go to a different school..."I said so.." ect.. ect..

Why does the Dad have sole legal? Did you know she can have that reversed if she can prove what you are doing? If the bio parents have joint legal custody that means joint between those two. Important decisions like medical, school and yes getting her ears peirced, cutting hair are to be decided between those two. And, if you like it or not, the joint legal does not mean joint plus you.

Even when kids are in foster care; the parents are still given these rights to choose. Just because you married Dad; doesn't give you those rights. If you don't believe me ask the court or attorney.

Stop trying to piss your ownership over the kids. There is no higher road with this.

I feel bad for the child. I also feel bad for the mother.

Oh, and that nasty feeling you get, when you do something wrong, that is your concsience telling you it is not right.

Shannon said...

It always amazes me when people respond anonymously.

Personally being a bio-mom and a step-mom I understand where you are coming from.

For the anonymous I have a question...why are you ripping her to shreads when it was the mother who first got the child's ears pierced without consulting the bio father. That makes this no different than what bio mother did. Respect does have to go both ways.

As for step-parents signing on behalf of the other parent I can tell you at least in my state that legally you are allowed to act in that capacity when given permission from one of the bio parents. I know this because I registered not only my daughter but all of my kids in their new school.

In my situation I get this kids up and ready for school, I give them lunch money, buy their clothes, do their laundry, buy and make their meals, and pay for all the extras such as school dances, yearbooks, field trips, etc. So my question to anonymous is should I just stop doing these things since I'm not the bio parent or the guardian? I mean seriously if I can't take the child to the doctor, sign school forms, or even get their ears pierced should I spend even a nickel of my paycheck? I guess my real point is that step-moms are usually looked at as the bad guy and threatened with the legal crap except when it comes down to all the money that ends up coming from her paycheck.

Women by nature have nurturing tendencies. I think sometimes bio-moms who remain single or even remarry someone who doesnt take as active of a role as they would like tend to get upset when ex remarries someone who does take an active role.

By the way just because a person physically gave birth to a child doesn't mean that they always know or do what is best for the child.

movin' down the road said...


Vicki said...

Perhaps Anonymous should first have read a few past posts, especially "Another Milestone for the Tween" before talking about something she (I assume "she") knows nothing about.

And Kudos to Wicked for not deleting the troll comments; I would not have been so even handed.

stepped-on-mom said...

haha - I'm a childless step-mom to 3 kids, and for my step-daughter's 12th (golden) birthday last year, I granted her request for a second piercing in each ear; something her father was a-ok with. She was sooo excited and I made sure to get the "good" earrings, so that they wouldn't irritate her sensitive ears and all that jazz.

Her Bio-Mom FLIPPED OUT, screamed at her for an hour, sent my husband and I a "nasty-gram" and returned my $40 earrings in the mail (after I requested to have them back and was accused of being "weird" because I wanted to have "filthy" earrings back). They were smashed to bits when I got them back, but bio-mom has no idea what happened to them, suggesting I "might want to check with the mailman".

Some people!

Anonymous said...

Yep, you're a great person! Yes, I'm being sarcastic. My daughter's stepmom took my daughter in for her first haircut without even asking me--keep in mind that I had asked my daughter's father if all 3 of her parents (stepmom included) wanted to go get it done together. Stepmom's response was "I don't want you there, because he and I are a couple." Obviously, she has jealousy and insecurity issues and can't get over it. Sound familiar? Grow up.

Anonymous said...

The reality is this: Fathers really don't care about daughter's personal appearance to the extent of peircings, hairstyles, etc, unless of course something is wildly inappropriate. Fathers usually just defer to the stepmother for fear of starting an argument and the biological mom gets the shaft. I am not saying all stepmoms are bad. Some are really great! But there seems to be the other flip of the coin with this nastiness, where the child ends up the victim because someone (dad, mom or stepmom) is stirring up the sh*t.

Good rule of thumb: always think about the child first. Put the kid before your own selfish needs. And have some compassion for God's sake! How would you feel if somebody did that to your child without your permission? I know it would piss you off. Think about it!

And BTW, I'm posting anonymously because I found this on a random google search and don't care to take the time to set up an account in amidst a plethora of negativity.

See ya.

Anonymous said...

I just think it's strange that people can't love a child without having to express ownership over the if the kid is an object and not a human being in his/her own right. I have read many of the posts on these topics, and have learned so much about biological moms! For instance, I never knew that ALL biological moms were uneducated and bipolar. I never realized that the biological dads had no part in the splits with their first wives! It was all the fault of the women! I have learned that a man is a prize to be fought over and the children are an extension of the new wife's need to have ownership of said man. Also, the children MUST have it permanently branded in their minds that the biological moms are not, in fact, suitable to parent (due to their insanity, lower level IQ's and drug use/whoring around) and should probably be burned at the stake! Imagine my astonishment to finally learn that bio moms don't care about their children AT ALL! They just want to steal the father away from his new wife!!

Thank you so much Wicked Stepmothers! I have truly gained insight from these blogs. I am 29, but mourn the lack of a stepmother I never had and will promptly go call my biological mother and tell her I wish she was dead.

Anonymous said...

Good job, anonymous!! I'm sure these comments will be deleted -- I found this post on a random google search too.
First, for the person who thinks a stepparent has the legal right to sign papers -- think again. This can only be done if the bio parent gives the stepparent power of attorney, usually if the bio parent is out of state or country, or is otherwise incapacitated. If SM is signing consent for a procedure as the "mother" and she is not the parent or legal guardian, she is committing fraud and is breaking laws. That's the quickest way for your darling husband to *lose* his sole custody, honey!! And I would LMAO. I am not even sure if this was an old post because someone who posts one of these "I hate biomom" stepmom blogs and calls biomom Maleficient -- that person then changed the whole feel of their blog because suddenly, she was divorced from good ol' dad too. Suddenly, she was the single mom, no longer the stepmom. And perhaps, just perhaps, she realized that maybe biomom was right and that dad was a piece of crap after all. It would be poetic justice if such a former stepmom would then have to deal with daddy's new flame, especially if they had kids together, and hopefully such a former stepmom would then get to experience the crap she dished out to biomom. I'll bet she wouldn't like it if some bimbo got her daughter's ears pierced -- and anonymous and I, also anonymous, would just laugh.