Monday, November 3, 2008

There's a Fine Line Between Fairytales and Nightmares...

... and thanks to Maleficent, we are being reminded of that. Again.
What's happening now?
What's happening is that Cinderella's friend narc'd on her after a DARE event at school. Concerned over the fact that C had been "scratching" herself, she sought help in the Guidance Office.
Cinderella was called in and promptly broke down into tears in front of her Guidance Counselor and Social Worker. She told them her tale of woe being a child of divorce.
There is nothing unique about her story.
Parents divorce. And oftentimes they don't handle it well, focusing on their own problems and losses (especially when mental illness plays such a major role).
Kids get caught in the middle. Blame themselves, grieve and try to keep the peace by internalizing EVERYTHING.
Sooner or later all of that stress has to come out.
It's starting to come out now in Cinderella and an observant friend took note.
She scratched her arm in frustration. It's no big deal now, but we know it could turn into something worse.
It's been three years since the Maleficent lost custody.
Three years since PrinceCharing was advised by the law guardian to violate the shit out of her when she crossed the line (which we ALL knew she would do).
And she has. Yet instead of adding fuel to her bipolar-fanned fires, we looked the other way and offered compromises.
Well, Cinderella's well-being is now compromised.
The Law Guardian has been called.
Maleficent has NOT been called. Yet.
We are trying to buy Cinderella a little bit of calm before the shit-storm. If her Mom gets tipped off, it will only spell doom for her and this kid has been through enough.
In the meantime, we're looking for a therapist for Cinderella all-the-while reassuring her that we will do our best to make things better and protect her from continued distress. (Which is a double-edged sword because she is worried that our attempts to make things better will make things worse. And that very-well may be the case.)
PrinceCharming is back to compiling details and facts, taking notes and saving EVERY email. Planning his next steps which will include filing paperwork and going back to court.

And I'm remembering to breathe through it all.


Anonymous said...

Good luck. Going back to court is never fun but so often times the only option.

Amanda said...

Wish you the best of luck in everything. Following your 'life story' sounds so similar to ours, but I have a 5yr old stepson, so I have a long road ahead of me. Good luck, and remember in the end, it is so much better to be the bigger person, no matter how much a bio mom needs a good dose of reality.

Stepmonster said...

I think a therapist is a good idea. Make sure you find one experienced with children from divorced/high conflict parents. That can really make a difference...there are a lot of 'duds' out there that aren't really good at offering up feasible solutions that kids can comprehend and act on. Seen a lot of pretty bad ones in action and it's really frustrating.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry to hear that Cinderella is having such a difficult time. We just finished a month of chaos and court resulting in my 13yo SD's escape from a bipolar-with-Asperger's mother. Something that the forensic psychologist pointed out to my husband is that there is research showing that people with Asperger's have a VERY difficult time co-parenting and that the psycho-normative parent is often seen negatively for their reaction to the other parent's behavior. I don't know for sure that that is something relates to your situation, but I just wanted to mention it just in case. That this research exists (and explains the life my husband has been living) was news to us.

Good luck - and peace - to all of you. I sincerely hope that those deep breaths help.

dragonmctt said...

We're in the same boat. After 6 years of not being in court, DH and I have had it. Too tired to keep trying to reason with someone that is unreasonable and drags the kids in the middle.

"she is worried that our attempts to make things better will make things worse. And that very-well may be the case"

We are as well, but it eventually gets to the point that outside intervention is needed, and the "getting worse" actually helps prove your case. Plus, the way we look at it, we will never be able to control her behavior, so the choices she makes to hurt her kids now will only make them more aware of what she is like, and in the long run will help them have a better grasp of reality.

I can sympathize with PrinceCharming as well, I was at Kinko's today making copies for our newly assigned GAL (had to bring in 3 filing boxes to sort through - good grief!)