Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Custody & Visitation: Keeping the Peace Vs. Laying Down the Law

Malificent dropped Cinderella off an hour late from a recently scheduled visitation.
Three hours late from a week-long Spring break.
10 minutes here. 20 minutes there.
She's hardly ever late picking Cinderella up for visitation. But is getting progessively ballsy in choosing when to bring Cinderella back home.
Oh, I figured that since I picked her up late, that I could keep her a little later.
Oh, she was supposed to be back at 5pm? I thought it was 8pm.
Oh, I wasn't feeling well so I went to lie down and shut off the phones.
A few times, she made an attempt at the obligatory phone call (at the last minute, when she already had Cinderella) to ask Prince Charming for some extra time. In her world, his not answering the phone translates into Sure! Keep her for as long as you want!
Her visitation times are noted specifically in the custody agreement. But for the past year and a half she has been taking liberties. Pretending not to realize that she is abusing the privilege.
Prince Charming has realized. But in the sake of Keeping the Peace has turned a Blind Eye.
She needs to learn her Lesson. She LOST Custody for a reason and You are giving her Extra Time when she has done nothing yet to earn back that right.
My warnings back then fell on deaf ears.
If I'm to move beyond the past, I have to give her the benefit of the doubt and trust that she is going to change.
The other day I Twittered about how those who failed to learn the lessons of the past are doomed to repeat them.
Well... DOOM has now befallen the Kingdom.
Keeping the Peace has gotten Prince Charming nowhere. Always the pacifist he bends over backwards and gives in to Malificent's tirades. Anything to avoid a Battle and to keep Cinderella blissfully ignorant.
However, he's decided it's now time to Lay Down the Law. (A role he has never been comfortable with.)
Prince Charming has declared the custody papers to be followed to.the.letter.
No more taking liberties. No more (half-heartedly) asking Forgiveness instead of Permission.
No more turning a Blind Eye.
Malificent isn't happy and has started letting her horns show. Hanging up on Prince Charming, refusing to come to the door to pick Cinderella up and instead waiting in the driveway for me to notice her car, avoiding to call the house at all costs.
More followup discussions need to occur to make sure she understands the What's, When's and Why's of the visitation "change." Prince Charming and I both know they will not come easily. Malificent is Queen of Denial and Avoidance.
Cinderella didn't take on the role of Mediator all on her own. Her Mother hid behind her for years in order to avoid interacting with P.C. If she doesn't speak with him, then she can't claim accountability for anything and can remain blissfully ignorant.
She lives in her own altered reality. She's happy there.
Cinderella's Law Guardian was right.
Wish I had a map to that Happy Place. We're going to need it.
Stay tuned...


canape said...

As my therapist says (and yes, I pay her to say the same things every week because they are so very hard to remember), "You are trying to deal rationally with an irrational person. It doesn't work."

Wicked Stepmom said...

Canape - I think one of my therapists used to say the same thing to me! Or maybe you've left that same comment here before which is why it sounds so familiar? LOL!

Still, I don't totally understand what it means. Does it imply that we give in and let her do whatever she wants b/c she is so irrational and will NEVER understand? Or do we do what's right and simply not worry about how she will react.

Anonymous said...

Do what's right and simply not worry about how she will react. My therapist always has to remind me that my only job is to make MY household successful, which is hard when you have some idiot trying to disrupt your life all the time. God help all of us "logical" people.

Anonymous said...

Ugh - just like the nasty emails, Skankzilla also decides when and how she is going to follow the guidelines stipulated by the court. She elected to drop the kids off two hours late for the last visit. She says it was to minimize their missing time from school but I think she couldn't get off work from her pencil pushing, just a little bit over minimum wage, no so challenging job. My darling told her "no way, it says this, we will follow this to the letter". She them told him that she would "acquiesce" to his demands......and then showed up an hour late. Then, when she was due to give them back, she was an hour late as well. She claimed it was tornadoes the first time and traffic the second time. What frustrates me is that we leave well in advance so we have enough time to work around weather and traffic. Even worse - she felt that it was perfectly okay to drive back through the weather that had delayed her in the first place. Screw her kids' safety - as long as she can make life inconvenient for everyone every other weekend, pull the kids out of school early, and make us have to drive three hours to meet her worthless skank ass, then life is good for her.