Monday, March 20, 2006

Finding Common Ground: It's a Girl Thing

I am watching the clock.
It’s approaching 4:30pm. The time Hubby’s Ex Cinderella’s Mom is coming to pick her up and take her to Dance Class.
I pace the living room scanning the street for her car. I want to meet her outside before Cinderella knows she is here.
This conversation is not for Her ears. It’s between her Mother and I.
The familiar silver SUV pulls up to the curb. I send the kids downstairs to play, quickly slide on my shoes and meet BioMom on the front stairs.
I have something to talk to you about and I don’t want Cinderella to hear me.
What’s up?
She immediately folds her arms in front of her chest but then realizing her body language is betraying her she quickly slips her hands into the tops of her jeans pockets all casual-like.
She is nervous. What could I possibly be so anxious to discuss with her in Private.
Cinderella went to the library this weekend with Hubby and brought home a book. It's called
It’s A Girl Thing.
Oh yeah, she was telling me about that.
I told her of the night before when Cinderella showed me the book. And that it opened up a conversation about first bras and other "Firsts" that would be of interest to a young girl teetering on the edge of puberty.
She seemed really curious about the chapter on bras and this thing called an "underwire" so I showed her some of mine. She seemed a little shy and uncomfortable so I wanted you to know because I thought it might be easier for her to talk to her Mom about this stuff.
Her face softened. She was grateful for what I was telling her. Since losing custody she has been afraid that she would miss out on this important stage of Cinderella's development. My gesture reassured her that she would not miss a moment.
The truth is that Cinderella was perfectly comfortable talking with me about these things. She always has been. And it's these little moments that serve to strengthen our bond. Bring us closer together.
But I am trying to find some common ground with BioMom and this seemed to provide us the perfect opportunity to move beyond the past and connect on some new level.
And at that moment She and I were no longer ExWife and NextWife.
We were simply two women reminiscing about our first bras and other firsts that seem to be visiting girls at an earlier age these days.
We were two mothers sharing the excitement in watching Cinderella grow into a young lady.
A Girl Thing brought Cinderella closer to me.
A Girl Thing brought me closer to Cinderella's Mom.


:o) said...

That was a tremendously generous and kind thing to do. You should be very proud of yourself.

charlotte said...

This is my first time reading your blog and wanted to say you are awesome!!

Lauri said...

I hope I get there some day..

Anonymous said...

you are more woman than me and i am normally uber nice, thanks for the blog my partner has custody of his two children and i am moving in sometime soon after 6 years on the fringes... thanks for sharing.

wickedstepmom said...

Well let me tell you. I had the same relationship with the exwife. now I have pulled back. Things where getting to friendship like. She is not my friend. niether is yours. Do not reveal to much of your private life to her. and just wait until you do something that your stepdaughter doesn't like. then you'll see the real side of stepparenting.