Cinderella is living with her BioMom.
After years of battling for - and WINNING - custody of Cinderella, PrinceCharming has relinquished physical custody to Maleficent.
Working start-up hours in NYC, while battling one's own emotional demons, is not conducive to raising a teen (who has her own emotional demons).
He says she understands his decision and is working on making the most of it.
I'm sure Cinderella is happy to be seeing more of her Mom, and her new baby brothers as well. (Maleficent has three other children ages two and under).
It's a double-edged sword and it sucks.
Living with her Dad, she missed seeing her siblings (with Maleficent).
Living with her BioMom, she misses her siblings (with her Dad and me).
This poor kid.
(This post was drafted 3 days before Prince Charming's accident. So many events have taken place since then resulting in another change of custody that now has her living with my ex-inlaws. So much to catch up on, Internetz!)
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Sixth
Remember these?
Gretel, now 6, can see them.
In her room. In my room. In the livingroom. When we're out driving. At school.
"Colors," she calls them. Mostly pink, green and blue. Sometimes white.
Once black. That one was in her room. She thought it was one of us sneaking in to scare her ... but it wasn't.
Half a circle, she said. By her door, as if it were peeking around the corner. About 3ft from the floor.
She's not scared.
Not yet.
I'm taking steps to empower her and make sure she is not frightened by this sixth sense that appears to be developing.
Gretel, now 6, can see them.
In her room. In my room. In the livingroom. When we're out driving. At school.
"Colors," she calls them. Mostly pink, green and blue. Sometimes white.
Once black. That one was in her room. She thought it was one of us sneaking in to scare her ... but it wasn't.
Half a circle, she said. By her door, as if it were peeking around the corner. About 3ft from the floor.
She's not scared.
Not yet.
I'm taking steps to empower her and make sure she is not frightened by this sixth sense that appears to be developing.
Friday, February 3, 2012
My Familiar
He's 16.
He's developed a tremor.
When I was a child, we lost a cat to some seizure-type event.
I sure hope I do not find myself in that familiar territory with my faithful companion.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Oh, hi
Writing has been on my mind.
But time has not been on my side these past four months.
First things first, PrinceCharming is recovering from his injuries. (Thank you for your posts, comments and well-wishes.) He has a long road ahead of him of cognitive rehabilitation - 5-7 years according to the "experts" - but he's on his way. Physically, he is almost back to normal, but mentally he struggles with memory loss, inability to multi-task and confusion. Still, he's made enough progress to start earning a living again, albeit on a part-time basis.
He can't drive for at least 5 years, which means he's been relying on others to drive him around when he visits. His move to NYC back in the summer has turned out to be a blessing in disguise for it affords him some independence.
The kids aren't able to see him as much as they want, since he's not able to watch them, so we've been stealing moments when he is in the area.
They're adjusting but we're all secretly waiting for the time when PrinceCharming is well enough for them to spend the weekend with him again.
On the positive side, our relationship has gotten even stronger throughout all of this and for that I am oh so very grateful. While I miss having a co-parent, and wish I didn't have to go through the daily parenting struggles on my own, I am relieved for the lack of additional drama that having an EX sometimes brings.
Speaking of EX's...
The ex-BF has become a boarder/live-in nanny. It's like I'm living my own Who's The Boss Series, but in reverse!
He's been a huge help to me in so many ways - taking care of the day-to-day goings on in the house, while I get on with the task of earning a living and supporting myself and my kids (child support has taken a huge drop, obviously, due to the circumstances at hand).
We've had our challenges - boundaries have to be redrawn as we navigate through this relationship adjustment, but all-in-all it's been a VERY good thing.
Even more, the kids have a loving male figure around, someone who has stepped in during their Dad's absence.
And in regards to EX's of the other variety...
Maleficent may have lost Cinderella for good.
Following PrinceCharming's move to NYC last summer, Cinderella was asked if she could stay with her mother for a while... so he could, work stuff out.
Well, that didn't go very well and, really, we can't say we are surprised.
The reasons WHY are irrelevant and serve no purpose to rehash here. I will simply say that Maleficent made choices that resulted in PrinceCharming being given full custody of Cinderella six years ago, and her choices after being asked have her daughter stay with her resulted in a emergency change to the living arrangements in New Year's Day.
Cinderella stayed with me for 2 weeks while her Dad worked out the details of moving her OUT of her mother's house and transferring her to a NEW school. She is now happily settled in to her grandparents' home (my EX-in laws) and attending the same high school as her Dad and Aunts once did.
We are thrilled as she is now 10minutes from us and so we will be seeing more of one another.
My 2012 began with the blissful sounds of all three of my children in my home - the laughter, the thundering foot steps as they ran from room to room, was a pure joy. My big girl has grown into such a delightful young woman. Her poise and grace throughout all of the struggles with her mother, this recent one notwithstanding, caused me to beam with pride whenever I think or speak of her.
I am glad that I could be there for her during this latest ordeal, and tickled that PrinceCharming asked me for help. I loved coming home to her, and sitting around the dinner table together, and going to the movies and ...
In spite everything, we have all been blessed with unusual happiness these past few months.
And that, my dears, is the stuff Fairytales are made of.
But time has not been on my side these past four months.
First things first, PrinceCharming is recovering from his injuries. (Thank you for your posts, comments and well-wishes.) He has a long road ahead of him of cognitive rehabilitation - 5-7 years according to the "experts" - but he's on his way. Physically, he is almost back to normal, but mentally he struggles with memory loss, inability to multi-task and confusion. Still, he's made enough progress to start earning a living again, albeit on a part-time basis.
He can't drive for at least 5 years, which means he's been relying on others to drive him around when he visits. His move to NYC back in the summer has turned out to be a blessing in disguise for it affords him some independence.
The kids aren't able to see him as much as they want, since he's not able to watch them, so we've been stealing moments when he is in the area.
They're adjusting but we're all secretly waiting for the time when PrinceCharming is well enough for them to spend the weekend with him again.
On the positive side, our relationship has gotten even stronger throughout all of this and for that I am oh so very grateful. While I miss having a co-parent, and wish I didn't have to go through the daily parenting struggles on my own, I am relieved for the lack of additional drama that having an EX sometimes brings.
Speaking of EX's...
The ex-BF has become a boarder/live-in nanny. It's like I'm living my own Who's The Boss Series, but in reverse!
He's been a huge help to me in so many ways - taking care of the day-to-day goings on in the house, while I get on with the task of earning a living and supporting myself and my kids (child support has taken a huge drop, obviously, due to the circumstances at hand).
We've had our challenges - boundaries have to be redrawn as we navigate through this relationship adjustment, but all-in-all it's been a VERY good thing.
Even more, the kids have a loving male figure around, someone who has stepped in during their Dad's absence.
And in regards to EX's of the other variety...
Maleficent may have lost Cinderella for good.
Following PrinceCharming's move to NYC last summer, Cinderella was asked if she could stay with her mother for a while... so he could, work stuff out.
Well, that didn't go very well and, really, we can't say we are surprised.
The reasons WHY are irrelevant and serve no purpose to rehash here. I will simply say that Maleficent made choices that resulted in PrinceCharming being given full custody of Cinderella six years ago, and her choices after being asked have her daughter stay with her resulted in a emergency change to the living arrangements in New Year's Day.
Cinderella stayed with me for 2 weeks while her Dad worked out the details of moving her OUT of her mother's house and transferring her to a NEW school. She is now happily settled in to her grandparents' home (my EX-in laws) and attending the same high school as her Dad and Aunts once did.
We are thrilled as she is now 10minutes from us and so we will be seeing more of one another.
My 2012 began with the blissful sounds of all three of my children in my home - the laughter, the thundering foot steps as they ran from room to room, was a pure joy. My big girl has grown into such a delightful young woman. Her poise and grace throughout all of the struggles with her mother, this recent one notwithstanding, caused me to beam with pride whenever I think or speak of her.
I am glad that I could be there for her during this latest ordeal, and tickled that PrinceCharming asked me for help. I loved coming home to her, and sitting around the dinner table together, and going to the movies and ...
In spite everything, we have all been blessed with unusual happiness these past few months.
And that, my dears, is the stuff Fairytales are made of.
Monday, October 24, 2011
How I Spent 9/11
The day after the last post on this blog, I was sitting in front of the TV like so many other Americans watching the 9/11 Memorial coverage at Ground Zero.
Like I do every year, I listened as the bells were rung to commemorate when each plane hit and as each tower fell.
I listened to the reading off of the names and cried when they reached the name of the loved one I'd lost ten years ago.
I honored those lost and those left behind by lighting two pillar candles in remembrance.
I turned off the TV and went about my morning with plans to take the kids to a local 9/11 Memorial which was close to a park.
I wanted to honor the day by going out and living the life I am so blessed to have.
It was 11am when my phone rang.
The caller ID said it was PrinceCharming. The voice on the other end, however, couldn't have been farther from his.
It was his sister. She was calling to tell me that my (not yet) ex-husband had been in a head on collision early that morning and was in the Trauma ICU at a local hospital.
He's going to be ok but he wanted me to call to tell you.
Sorry, but the letters "I-C-U" and "O-K" don't go together in my Dictionary.
I hung up the phone in a daze as my 9 and 5 year olds played blissfully unaware of the new 9/11 tragedy that may or may not be playing out in our lives.
My mind went blank.
What was I to do? What do I tell the kids?? What am I supposed to say??? How am I supposed to feel????
I was alone.
And in new territory.
I hadn't spoken with my SIL in close to two years and doubted I would get very many answers from her any time soon.
Knowing she suffers the same passive-agressive tendencies as her brother, I called in reinforcements and notified every one of PrinceCharming's and my mutual friends. I needed to know the truth of what had happened to my childrens' father and I needed to know it N-O-W.
As I struggled to remain calm in front of our kids, I texted and snuck phone calls to relay what little information I had.
We're on our way and will call you from the hospital.
Our friends descended upon Trauma ICU en masse and over the course of the next several weeks proved invaluable to my sanity.
For the two days following I was with my (not yet) ex-husband at his bedside while our kids were at school, needing to see for myself the extent of his injuries and whether or not he truly would be OK.
He was intubated, yet conscious.
He couldn't speak but his body language communicated VOLUMES that only I could understand. I relayed instructions to those who were taking charge of his care (a job that once belonged to me), so they could do their best to make sure he was comfortable.
I held PrinceCharming's hand and reassured him the kids were ok and would be ok.
I looked into his eyes and he squeezed my hand in acknowledgement and thanks.
(Of course, I was referring to Hansel and Gretel whom I had control over what and how the information would be disseminated. Cinderella, OTOH, was at my SILs house when the accident occurred and was told moments before her BioMom came to pick her up. This was not what PrinceCharming wanted.)
(Cinderella had started the school year at her mother's, not by choice, but due to PrinceCharming's struggles with his depression and trying to balance a new job at an internet start-up. She has been allowed to see her father TWICE in the past six weeks, despite many attempts by me to make this situation right. This past weekend I succeeded, with his help, and was able to bring all of our kids to him for a visit.)
These past six weeks have consisted of MRIs, CT Scans, X-Rays, ER visits and long stints in two hospitals.
My (not yet) ex-husband is lucky to be alive.
He's been up against numerous broken and shattered bones paired with traumatic brain injury resulting in memory loss.
Compound all of that with post-traumatic stress no doubt added to his pre-existing anxiety and depression.
The lines of reality and perceived reality as a result of this emotional dysregulation are blurry at best.
I'm in unfamiliar yet all-too-familiar territory at the same time.
Once primary care-giver now bystander.
I'm faced with the challenge of knowing his flair for melodrama, penchant for providing minimum information for maximum impact and isolationism, while being empathetic to his situation and the indisputable injuries he has suffered.
Having to step back without walking away is difficult.
Prince Charmng has a long road of rehabilitation ahead of him.
It seems, I do too.
Like I do every year, I listened as the bells were rung to commemorate when each plane hit and as each tower fell.
I listened to the reading off of the names and cried when they reached the name of the loved one I'd lost ten years ago.I honored those lost and those left behind by lighting two pillar candles in remembrance.
I turned off the TV and went about my morning with plans to take the kids to a local 9/11 Memorial which was close to a park.
I wanted to honor the day by going out and living the life I am so blessed to have.
It was 11am when my phone rang.
The caller ID said it was PrinceCharming. The voice on the other end, however, couldn't have been farther from his.
It was his sister. She was calling to tell me that my (not yet) ex-husband had been in a head on collision early that morning and was in the Trauma ICU at a local hospital.
He's going to be ok but he wanted me to call to tell you.
Sorry, but the letters "I-C-U" and "O-K" don't go together in my Dictionary.
I hung up the phone in a daze as my 9 and 5 year olds played blissfully unaware of the new 9/11 tragedy that may or may not be playing out in our lives.
My mind went blank.
What was I to do? What do I tell the kids?? What am I supposed to say??? How am I supposed to feel????
I was alone.
And in new territory.
I hadn't spoken with my SIL in close to two years and doubted I would get very many answers from her any time soon.
Knowing she suffers the same passive-agressive tendencies as her brother, I called in reinforcements and notified every one of PrinceCharming's and my mutual friends. I needed to know the truth of what had happened to my childrens' father and I needed to know it N-O-W.
As I struggled to remain calm in front of our kids, I texted and snuck phone calls to relay what little information I had.
We're on our way and will call you from the hospital.
Our friends descended upon Trauma ICU en masse and over the course of the next several weeks proved invaluable to my sanity.
For the two days following I was with my (not yet) ex-husband at his bedside while our kids were at school, needing to see for myself the extent of his injuries and whether or not he truly would be OK.
He was intubated, yet conscious.
He couldn't speak but his body language communicated VOLUMES that only I could understand. I relayed instructions to those who were taking charge of his care (a job that once belonged to me), so they could do their best to make sure he was comfortable.
I held PrinceCharming's hand and reassured him the kids were ok and would be ok.
I looked into his eyes and he squeezed my hand in acknowledgement and thanks.
(Of course, I was referring to Hansel and Gretel whom I had control over what and how the information would be disseminated. Cinderella, OTOH, was at my SILs house when the accident occurred and was told moments before her BioMom came to pick her up. This was not what PrinceCharming wanted.)
(Cinderella had started the school year at her mother's, not by choice, but due to PrinceCharming's struggles with his depression and trying to balance a new job at an internet start-up. She has been allowed to see her father TWICE in the past six weeks, despite many attempts by me to make this situation right. This past weekend I succeeded, with his help, and was able to bring all of our kids to him for a visit.)
These past six weeks have consisted of MRIs, CT Scans, X-Rays, ER visits and long stints in two hospitals.
My (not yet) ex-husband is lucky to be alive.
He's been up against numerous broken and shattered bones paired with traumatic brain injury resulting in memory loss.
Compound all of that with post-traumatic stress no doubt added to his pre-existing anxiety and depression.
The lines of reality and perceived reality as a result of this emotional dysregulation are blurry at best.
I'm in unfamiliar yet all-too-familiar territory at the same time.
Once primary care-giver now bystander.
I'm faced with the challenge of knowing his flair for melodrama, penchant for providing minimum information for maximum impact and isolationism, while being empathetic to his situation and the indisputable injuries he has suffered.
Having to step back without walking away is difficult.
Prince Charmng has a long road of rehabilitation ahead of him.
It seems, I do too.
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