Monday, November 26, 2007

Custody & Visitation: Act A Fool

For the moment, it was unexplainable.
A complete 360 degree change, much like the characteristic ebb of flow of behavior described by the DSMIII-R.
Suddenly, without warning Maleficent was being communicative.
(Apologizing for returning Cinderella late.)
(Promising to bring her home on time.)
(Offering to give up her visitation day so that Cinderella could spend time with Gretel on her birthday.)
(No we didn't ask & Cinderella didn't express any interest. So we planned a party on the weekend when Cinderella would be home.)
Prince Charming was stunned... and dare I say a showed a bit of hope.
Maybe our last email [in which court was threatened] finally got through to her.
He's been fooled by her before.
Fooled into thinking one day ... this day ... she will change and realize the error of her ways.
As is also characterized by her affliction, Maleficent is impulsive and too quickly reveals her motives for being so congenial.
She wants something.
(It's always about her wanting something. )
And that something is extra time with Cinderella.
Time that would result in her having her for three weekends in a row... right up until Christmas.
Time that would eliminate any chance for us to plan any family activity that would include all five of us.
Time that she claims is a "special family event" and one that Cinderella so desperately wants to attend.
(Cinderella hadn't once mentioned it.)
Maleficent is pushing. Playing the guilt card. Trying to make it seem as though it's about Cinderella. And not her.
Maleficent then has her father, Cinderella's grandfather, send a letter to our home asking Prince Charming for permission. "Hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving," is his closing.
She finally prompts Cinderella to ask and "play dumb" by pretending she doesn't know what weekend said event falls upon, and then lie about her mother putting her up to asking Prince Charming.
Cinderella misses out on so much already because of family schedules that don't coincide with her visitation with her Mom.
She should not continue to be put in the middle, acting as her mother's messenger and being forced to lie to her father.
Prince Charming has called Maleficent to discuss this request, as well as several other issues of concern (i.e., her declining health that she has referenced as reason for why C is returned late.)
She of course does not answer his calls.
She continues to refuse to acknowledge him, except in email.
Criticizing HIM for not responding TO HER.

As I re-read this I grow even more weary of the entire situation which explains my silence as of late.
I can't help but wonder, aren't you tired of hearing about our petty plight?
I know I'm tired of writing about it.
(And even more tired of LIVING it.)
I'm sure to any reader, the answer seems so simple - let Cinderella go if it means so much and simply suggest a switching of weekends.
But the reality is, it's not that simple.
It never is.

Because the reality is that if Prince Charming reaches for that dangling carrot of hope and gives in to Maleficent's request, he will once again be made a fool.


Megan said...

WOW...I feel for you yet AGAIN! I know how hard this all is. I have been in your shoes before, unfortunately my now ex-husband wasn't willing to fight for our new family! Hold your ground. Try to do what is best for your family and the children involved. Good luck

TripleKTrouble said...

Well, for one I'm never tired of reading about it, but I believe you when you say you're tired of writing about it! Don't you wish you could just throw water on her and watch her melt? I would get a kick out of that. "I'm meeeellllttinnggg I'm meeeeellllllllting!" haha Cheer up friend, nothing is forever. Only 7 more years for you! I have 14! Eventually change WILL happen. There is no constant except change. :)

Anonymous said...

Don't stop writing. I'm glad I found your blog. It's nice to know I'm not the only "evil stepmother" around.

Anonymous said...

I know it is hard to write about this, but you do a great job. It gives me inspiration to not give up on my own "Prince Charming" and "Cindrella" despite "Maleficent's" request for every weekend from 11/16-12/28... yup, that is 7 weekends when she is not with us... We are still waiting for our attorney to "cousel" us on what to do...

Bleu said...

Absolutely not will it be easier if he just lets her go. Maybe for this time it might be, and in some blended families that works. However BM has shown herself over and over again to be one that needs firm boundaries. SHE is the reason that court orders exist. Going outside of the court order will encourage her to keep on manipulating. If she learns that no matter what SM and dad are never going to let me have any time that is not in the CO then she will stop trying. Firm boundaries is the only thing that will work.

Sprite said...

I know how hard it gets, honey. The frustration can be exhausting. There is no power in control & Maleficent has no clue. Manipulation is her life. I know you will all find a solution -- I know I worked through finding many a solution myself back in those days. I'm here for you if you ever need me. Always. *sending love, a stiff drink, hugs, & more love*

Sarah Mickalson said...

I couldnt agree more with your last comments. A bystander might say just let her go...but you cant. Weve learned if you give an inch they continue to ask for a mile.My husbands ex is always trying to ask for our time (she has the kids 2/3rds of the time already)...she will find any excuse and always claims its the kids wishes...even when they know nothing of it. You have to hold your ground thoug. A judge told us that in high conflict cases it is better to stick 100% to the decree...anything else invites chaos