Not Your Average Fairytale.
We're about to be right there with you. Yippee.
we are in court hell right now. we went the other day, sat for 3 hours because they mixed up the paperwork for the hearing and then Bio Mom acted up in court and got thrown out. Hearing has yet to be rescheduled. As you can imagine. I am very frustrated...
So, I'm de-lurking. I've been reading for a while, in part due to a blog search containing the words 'custodial stepmom'. It helps to know that another stepmom fights for her stepdaughter as she would a biodaughter, and that you and your husband have been sucessful. It just helps.
Wow... I am absolutely horrified at your blog, the blood has completely run out of my fingers, and my hands are ice cold. I am a 28 year old woman, successful with a wonderful husband. I thought I had a tense and unpleasant relationship with my father, and a non-exsisting relationship with my step-mother of 20 years.Now I see, I had a bad relationship with my step mother, and I doubt that I could have ever had a good one, from your point of view. Clearly, being a step-mother is a HUGE part of how you define yourself. It's a very big deal to you to make sure that you identify yourself a a "step" mother. I want to give you some advice, and please listen carefully. Any evil word you say, goes through your "step" daughter before it hits the biomom. You are stabbing her, by insulting bio-mom, and you are perpetuating the idea that it is ok to treat bio mom with disrespect. I am sure you are aware of this, but you are raising a young adult, just as you made your children, your husband and her mother made love, and made her. There may be no stronger bond than the ambilical cord, but Love is the strongest bond...“Love is patient; love is kindand envies no one.Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;never selfish, not quick to take offense.There is nothing love cannot face;there is no limit to its faith,its hope, and endurance.In a word, there are three thingsthat last forever: faith, hope, and love;but the greatest of them all is love.” Love is blind. Open your heart, and today say...these are all my babies. My step mother and father did not come to my wedding, because my step-mother could not sit in the front row, infront of my own mother.... They did not like that my adult sister and I had a great relationship with my suppossed "drug additicted-neglectful mother" and thus did not want to hang out with us. Very very sadly, last Christmas was "their christmas to spend with their family" meaning my 2 brothers, my dad and my step-mom. My sister and I were not included. My sister was murdered days later by being thrown out of a 19 story window of an apartment blg by a man she did not even know. Here is the real tragedy...this just about killed me, my husband, my mother, everyone we knew...accept my step-mother. She did not want to contribute to the $14,000 funeral, because she did not want to help my mother. My father and step mother are very wealthy, my mother is not. Don't become bitter. Realize what is important about you and your daughter's relationship. You are not better by demonizing the original mother. Good Luck with your life, I will keep my fingers crossed for your daughter.
To anonymous: It is obvious to me that you are not a stepmother---otherwise you would not have made the critique that you just did. I am sorry for the loss of your sister in all of this---but maybe you should be pointing the finger at your FATHER with the way in which her funeral was handled. Realize that their money is HIS money too---not just your 'evil' stepmothers. Remember that it is easy to give advice such as "don't be bitter" and "stop doing this" when you don't have experience with this situation from the stepmother's side.
Anonymous -Yes. Being a stepmother is a huge part of who I am. Certainly for the purposes of this blog. Nothing I feel or say about Cinderella's BioMom has ever (and WILL NEVER) go THROUGH her. As far as she is concerned her mother is a wonderful woman who adores her. Period. I have never spoken ill of her Mom to her, and go to great lengths on a DAILY basis to defend and explain her mother's irrational behavior just so this poor child can get some peace in her life. This blog is MY space to write, vent, share and express MY feelings (whatever they may be) on MY personal experiences as a mom, stepmom and wife. Cinderella is as much "my baby" as is legally and emotionally allowed. The bonds between stepkid and stepparent is socially created, not biologically. And yet, a court of law determined that *I* was the best and most stabilizing influence in her life. (And your description of her conception is a bit off. It was not all "rainbows and sunshine" as you would ASSume. But that is a topic I have not addressed here before.)It's too bad your own Dad and Stepmom didn't come to your wedding. Both of my stepparents did. And both were FRONT AND CENTER along with my parents. Your family situation is quite an unfortunate one. I feel sad for you and hope you can some day find some peace. And perhaps be able to hear of others' experiences a bit more objectively.WSM
WSMI'm glad you defended yourself, I was about to but you said it perfectly. Obviously this anonymous doesn't read your blog or know how much you care about cinderella. I would never have know SHE was your stepchild except for the references because you speak about her with the same love you use when you speak about Hansel and Gretel. You should be held up as an example, not berated so unjustly!
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