When BioKids Are Affected

"Hansel and Gretel are..."
My half-brother and sister.

We sat for a moment in stunned silence at the dinner table.
Prince Charming and myself. Hansel, Gretel, my Dad and Stepmom.
Cinderella's words hung overhead like a dark cloud.
It's been nearly three years since we've heard that phrase in our home.
And now it was back rearing it's ugly head.
And this time we had Maleficent to thank for it.
I shouldn't have been surprised what with the recent state of affairs and the downward spiral that's been taking place over the past several months.
I should have let it go. But the words hurt because our Little Ones were now being introduced to that term. I don't know if they understood what Cinderella said, but I am certain they heard it.
I don't want any of you to think differently, or LESS, of one another. And that label can be hurtful.
I know all about how labels can affect a relationship. I think most Stepmoms do.
It's bad enough when Maleficent's poison affects Cinderella , Prince Charming and me. It's worse when that also reaches to Hansel and Gretel.
I couldn't let it go.
I have spent the last ten years trying to advocate for this woman, empathize with her and she has slapped me in the face for the last time.
I had enough of turning the other cheek and of letting things go or let others handle her. Now she was talking about my biokids and trying to belittle Cinderella's relationship with them (and vice versa).
I fired off an email.
I might have called her out on her bipolar disorder.
I might even have referred to her being threatened of our family as pathetic.
I most definitely asked her to mind her business when it comes to Cinderella's relationship with her brother and sister and to let us handle that OUR WAY.

I also made the mistake of checking email during a holiday visit with my Dad and the even bigger mistake of reading her response to me.

To be continued...

How to Get What You REALLY Want for Mother's Day

"Hansel, tell Daddy that you want to go to a jewelry store for my Mother's Day gift and get Mommy something sparkly... with a lot of diamonds."

Mommy! You're not supposed to tell me what to get you for Mother's Day!

"But don't you want Mommy to be happy?"

But don't you want to be surprised?


***

His depth of character amazes me sometimes. And pisses me off a little.

Giving Tim Burton A Run For His Money

As evidenced by Hansel's preschool journal:

"I walked on a rainbow & I fell down & I went to the ground & a worm ate me!
Then a spider came & ate my brain! The spider was a Black Widow.
And then a lizard ate my tongue & my belly & my head off & my ears & earwax.
That's it."

Nip/Suck

*pick, pick, pick*

*pinch, pinch, pinch*

*pull, pull, pull*

Lately nursing has had a high suckage factor.
And not in the way all those LLL pamphlets told me about.
It's appeal has gone downhill now that the person who is doing the sucking is a T.O.D.D.L.E.R. who has sprouted octopus arms almost overnight and who seeks to entertain herself with whatever part of MY BODY that is within arms length while nursing. This includes, but is not limited to:
- finding and picking at the tiniest of moles, or the one in between where I should have cleavage which actually may really be a third nipple;
- pulling at my hair or BETTER YET! my collar bone which creeps me out b/c bones.should.not.be.pulled.or.yanked. EVER.;
- pinching my other nip but not before she gives the whole package a gentle s-q-u-e-e-z-e and a little pat as if she thinks it's lonely which... really... it's not.
She's strong.
She's stubborn.
And just as I think I am winning the battle she throws in a foot, usually to my jaw, which distracts me enough to leave her target of choice all exposed and vulnerable.
::sigh::
And still. I wouldn't give up moments like these for anything...

Getting Along: Don't Forget the Innocent Bystanders (BioKids)

I don't like Cinderella's BioMom Malificent.
Now, that's not fair to say. You don't really know her.
Yes I do. She's Cinderella's Mom.
***
Suddenly we realized that The Boy has witnessed more than he should with regards to Cinderella's BioMom Malificent. (Ha! I like the sound of that! Humor me for the rest of this post, woulldya?)
This day he was in the back seat of the car while Hubby was talking* on the phone with her about the latest and greatest drama.
(*Being yelled at is more like it and The Boy heard every word because Malificent's voice isn't very... umm... soft and delicate like that of a lady.)
In our efforts to shield Cinderella from the tumultous relationship between her Parents, we neglected to take The Boy into consideration.
He's too young to understand or care. Malificent is of no consequence to Him so we don't need to worry about Him.
Right?
Wrong. We're such Ninnies.
Malificent may not matter to Him, but We matter. The Boy has been witness to one-too-many heated discussions both with and about Her throughout most of his Life. (Man, this bullshit has gone on for.far.too.long.)
He doesn't like what's he's seen.
He doesn't like seeing Mommy and Daddy upset.
He knows when Malificent is the cause of this stress and disharmony and sees its affect on our delicate family structure.
Now is where our Parenting Skills are put to the ultimate test. Where we must put aside our personal feelings for this Witch and help our son preserve a positive impression of his Sister's Mother.
We validate what he already knows.
Yes, Daddy and Malificent sometimes argue. And yes you have heard Malificent yell at Daddy. But they are trying their best not to argue. Sometimes grown-ups make bad choices when they are upset.
We try an defend her actions as best we can. Both for his and Cinderella's sake. The last thing we want is for The Boy to express this sentiment to Cinderella.
Malificent loves Cinderella very much, just like Daddy does.
We remind him that he must be Respectful. Remind him that Cinderella loves her Mom very much and he musn't say bad things about her. We point out that Malificent is always nice to Him and he needs to try to remember his manners.
Yes, but she is not nice to Daddy.
She is trying. We all are.
At that point I wanted to pick up the phone and unleash years of pent-up anger and hostility because now her poison was seeping further into our Family and affecting my son.
You goddamn selfish Witch are you happy now? Will you not stop until each and every member of my family grows to hate you and needs therapy just like the rest of us?!?!?! CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?!?!?
But I knew better. I knew it would do nothing to help matters.
Hubby and I feel like shit for letting this happen. For letting this vile woman touch our son's emotions in such a negative way. We feel irresponsible; as if we haven't respected him as an important member of the family who needs protecting from this situation.
Hubby and I vowed to each other to be more diligent in shielding ALL of the children from the unpleasantries of our wounded relationship with Malificent.
More diligent towards getting along.
Commited to making things work.