When BioKids Are Affected

"Hansel and Gretel are..."
My half-brother and sister.

We sat for a moment in stunned silence at the dinner table.
Prince Charming and myself. Hansel, Gretel, my Dad and Stepmom.
Cinderella's words hung overhead like a dark cloud.
It's been nearly three years since we've heard that phrase in our home.
And now it was back rearing it's ugly head.
And this time we had Maleficent to thank for it.
I shouldn't have been surprised what with the recent state of affairs and the downward spiral that's been taking place over the past several months.
I should have let it go. But the words hurt because our Little Ones were now being introduced to that term. I don't know if they understood what Cinderella said, but I am certain they heard it.
I don't want any of you to think differently, or LESS, of one another. And that label can be hurtful.
I know all about how labels can affect a relationship. I think most Stepmoms do.
It's bad enough when Maleficent's poison affects Cinderella , Prince Charming and me. It's worse when that also reaches to Hansel and Gretel.
I couldn't let it go.
I have spent the last ten years trying to advocate for this woman, empathize with her and she has slapped me in the face for the last time.
I had enough of turning the other cheek and of letting things go or let others handle her. Now she was talking about my biokids and trying to belittle Cinderella's relationship with them (and vice versa).
I fired off an email.
I might have called her out on her bipolar disorder.
I might even have referred to her being threatened of our family as pathetic.
I most definitely asked her to mind her business when it comes to Cinderella's relationship with her brother and sister and to let us handle that OUR WAY.

I also made the mistake of checking email during a holiday visit with my Dad and the even bigger mistake of reading her response to me.

To be continued...

Always Be Prepared

I should have been a Boy Scout.
Then I would have been prepared.
Prepared for the recent revelation that Cinderella has been speaking poorly about Prince Charming and I to her friends.
And Maleficent.
I know. I shouldn't be surprised.
I am sure I said unkind things about my Mom when I was younger.
But I wasn't prepared for it to be happening so soon with Cinderella.
She is not quite 11.
***
We had a recent exchange in which I called her behavior "bitchy."
(Well, she was!)
In her mind, I called her a bitch.
She told her Mother. And her best friend.
"Well... she's the bitch." Her friend responded.
And then proceeded to tell the entire bus of 5th graders of Cinderella's tale of woe at the hands of her Wicked Stepmom.
It's normal. I know. Kids complain about their parents all. the. time.
Tell half-truths. Leave out important details so they can remain the victim.
Still. It hurt.
Stepparents are easy targets.
We set ourselves up. Leave ourselves open and vulnerable.
Prince Charming came to my defense (somewhat).
Yet, he is the first to jump all over me when it comes to Her.
And still. I can't help but wonder if Cinderella's complaints are justified or a product of the Stepparent phenomona or Maleficent's verbal diarrhea.
Or all of the above.

An Election Day Call for BackUp

She asked to be considered before any plans are made for Her.
Although the custody agreement states that BioMom may Elect to spend any non-visitation day with Her where they both have off from school/work, She still would like to have the courtesy of being asked.
Cinderella has taken a huge step towards exercising her Rights. Rights which she never knew she had or was never permitted to express. Rights which we have reminded her of many times since January.
She has been reluctant to speak up about custody and visitation issues. She is mindful of everyone's feelings and doesn't want to hurt anyone. Mostly BioMom who has expressed hurt feelings before.
Cinderella doesn't need that kind of Guilt.
BioMom has been trying to plan out today with The Husband for over a week. He knew he needed to discuss it with Cinderella first. He didn't want to tip off BioMom about this knowing full-well that she would initiate the conversation with Cinderella who would then simply back down and do what she felt her Mother would want.
Husband needed to have this conversation with Cinderella on his own, without BioMom's influence.
Mommy is asking to spend the day with You. But I wanted to discuss it with you first and see what you wanted to do. It's your decision. I'll back you up and tell Mommy whatever you want.
She decided that she would like to see both of us. Her compromise was that she would spend the afternoon with BioMom but wanted to be Home in time for dinner. The paperwork states that BioMom is to return her by 5pm on these Elective Days, so Her request should be easy to honor.
I was present for the conversation with Hubby so I was clear on what Cinderella wanted. She was worried about talking with her Mom last night. Husband wasn't Home yet from work.
Will you talk to Mommy if I need you to? Because, Mommy... well ... you know. You can back me up.
Sure, Babe. I can back you up.
I emerge from putting The Mouse to bed and see She is on the phone.
As soon as she sees me, Cinderella's mind immediately whisks her to the issue at hand and she interrupts Her mother.
Mommy? What time did you want to pick me up tomorrow?
She looks at me... Between 11-11:30?
That's fine.
Mommy? What time...? Umm... I want to be Home in time for dinner so can you bring me back by 5-5:30?
Again, She looks at me... How about 5:45?
Cinderella, if you want to be home for dinner then you will need to be back at 5pm.
Mommy? Umm... They eat dinner early because of The Mouse so I have to be Home by 5pm.
Ok. Mommy? What's wrong?
Ok. Bye.
I could tell by the abrupt ending of their conversation that BioMom was not happy with losing the negotiation. A negotiation that I later found out she had, and lost, with Husband yesterday afternoon. Yet BioMom thought she could negotiate with Me. The very person she feels does not have the right to have these kinds of conversations with Her daughter. (The Oxymoronic tendencies of this Woman are astounding!)
This was a Huge step for Cinderella. I'm proud of Her.
She is learning to overcome her fear of speaking up for Herself.
I hope today turns out to be a good day for Her. I hope BioMom doesn't make Cinderella feel bad for requesting to come Home.
Only time will tell.
In the meantime Husband and I can only continue to back her up, so she will one day develop the confidence to not back down.