If There Was A Castle Bulletin Board

It'd let you know...

• I am on the road to gaining some sort of financial independence. I have:
  - Started selling Avon. *ding! dong!*
  - Sold my first cake! I was commissioned to bake a birthday cake for a 6 year old birt bike rider. :)
  - Started working at a Holistic Wellness Center, which then led to two side jobs with some practitioners at said wellness center.  YAY!
  
  
• I've signed up for a 16-week Women's Group as a way of figuring out this next chapter in my fairytale. I've defined myself over the past ten years as a Stepmom and Second Wife. I am much more than that. I just need a little help finding her.
  
  
• Prince Charming and I have attended a few mediation meetings and they have gone pretty well. We seem to agree on the issues of custody/visitation and support. But our progress has come to a SCREECHING halt now that Maleficent is suing him for full custody of Cinderella. Yes, our pending divorce is being exploited and we are he is once more distracted by his ex. His preliminary court date is set for the end of this month. I am trying not to get sucked in emotionally and stay focused on what *I* need to do to get my life in order. It's hard not to be distracted when I've allowed so much of my life to be defined by Maleficent.
  
  
• To that end, Prince Charming has informed me that he has secured a separate residence for he and Cinderella to live. Obviously, one can't argue that they are capable of taking care of their child full-time if said child is still being left with their stepparent half of the time. While the prospect of not having to commute back and forth between our home and my mother's is appealing, the reality of our current financial situation stops me from doing the happy dance just yet. We can barely afford the ONE house we live in now, it will take a fair amount of magic fairy dust to make a second home possible. He is moving out post haste and leaving me with a pile of unpaid bills.
  
  
• I've seen a fair number of antagonistic and bitter anti-Stepmom comments lately.  And I am reaching the point of being fed up with them. But I am also mature enough to realize that BioMoms are probably equally as fed-up with whiny Stepmom blogs that drone on and on about BMs obnoxious and antagonistic behavior. So I guess we've proven the point as to WHY such blogs and comments persist, haven't we ladies? For what it's worth, I do advise that the haters out there take a little more time to learn about MY personal situation and get all of the facts before they fire off their virtual bitch slaps. I can take constructive criticism from those who take the time to read (reading IS fundamental, afterall)... but ignorant blasts do not deserve (nor will they get) a reply.
  
  (Why do the trolls always surface around Mother's Day? Could it be insecurities surrounding their children wanting to honor their Wicked Stepmom's on this day too, I wonder? Hmm... food for thought.)
  
  
• While on the subject of Mother's Day, and in an ironic twist of fate, Cinderella did not acknowledge me in any way this year. For the first time in ten years neither she nor Prince Charming made the effort. Yes it hurt. And yes I can understand why this has come about. But no I do not think it deserving And I am sure the trolls from the above bullet point are doing their own little happy dance over this personal admission. I'm feeling as if I am being told I need to let go... but how does one let go of a child they have nurtured and cared for since they were a toddler?
  
  

This week's mantra: Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.

What Makes a Mother

[This is an "Edited to include Stepmoms" version of an email that has made it's way into by inbox numerous times over the years. I decided it's time we were represented.]

This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's okay honey, I'm here."

Who have kissed boo-boos and made macaroni and cheese every night for dinner because it's their favorite.

For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes. And the "bonus" mothers to their husband's children.

This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors. And for those who smile through the innocent announcements of "Look what I made for Mommy!" and "I am going to give this picture to Mommy this weekend!"

And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars. So that when their kids asked, "Did you see me?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who have struggled through the issues of co-parenting with their husband's ex-wife. And who continue to love these children in spite of being told she has no right.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.

This is for all the mothers who take their children shopping to buy their (bio)Moms a birthday/Christmas/Mother's Day gift. And who say "It's ok." if they don't get something in return.

This is for those mothers who understand that divorce is painful. And who let their children go through the normal grieving process without taking it personally.

For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then read it again, "Just one more time."

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there. And for those who dropped everything when the nurse calls an hour later because their (bio)Mom cannot be reached.

This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them. For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their teen informs you that they wish to live with their Mom instead of you and their Dad.

And for every Mom who has ever heard the phrase "But she's not my mother."

What makes a good mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Biology?

Or is it in her heart?

Is it the ache she feels when she watches her son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

The pride she feels as she watches from the back row of their first ballet recital or school play?

The panic that comes at 2 A.M. when she just wants to hear their key in the door and know they are safely home after their first college road trip?

Or the need to flee from wherever she is and hug her child when she hears news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation...

And for mature mothers learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Mothers with money, mothers without.

Stepmothers and "Bonus" mothers.

This is for you all. For all of us...

Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can. Tell them every day that we love them. And pray and NEVER stop being a mother...

"Home is what catches you when you fall - and we all fall."

A Mother's Day Quote for Stepmoms

"A stepmother might have to rise above a little more than everyone else to make everything go smoothly and for everyone to feel comfortable. It's one of the nicest gifts they could give."

- Elizabeth Howell 

Here's hoping we all find the strength to rise above the challenges, adversities and animosities to make this Mother's Day a good one ... especially for our stepkids.

If you need a little more inspiration, go read A Stepmom's Say and see how she's grabbing the bull by the horns this year. 

Mother's Day Gifts for Stepmoms

Mother's Day is around the corner.

I know it's a holiday many Stepmoms dread.

(For many, MANY reasons.)

What does one buy for a Stepmom?

There's an abundance of Mommy bracelets, rings and charms out there.

I have my fair share of them.

But there is not much for Stepmoms.

LOOK NO FURTHER!

I found the perfect gift, and blogged about it in this is post from August 2007. 

I love it. Of course I bought it for myself but it was summer and there were no major holidays coming up and I am impatient. 

Cinderella loves it so much that she wants a matching necklace that represents ME. With my name and birthstone. 

Oh my gosh! It's like SO cyoooot and if I get my own then like we can match and stuff!!

*squeaaalllll!*

So go here now, browse and around and tell Beth Wicked Stepmom sent you.

And, I would be remiss if I didn't suggest that you might possibly find something here. 

(I know. Shameless plug! Sue me.)

How to Get What You REALLY Want for Mother's Day

"Hansel, tell Daddy that you want to go to a jewelry store for my Mother's Day gift and get Mommy something sparkly... with a lot of diamonds."

Mommy! You're not supposed to tell me what to get you for Mother's Day!

"But don't you want Mommy to be happy?"

But don't you want to be surprised?


***

His depth of character amazes me sometimes. And pisses me off a little.