Have You Ever Been Told...

... that your stepchildren look *just* like you?

Cinderella has your eyes.
Oh I could tell you were here for Cinderella. She looks just like you!
You must be Cinderella's Mom. You and she have the same coloring.

It cracks me up that people will see what they want to see with our children.
People who DON'T know that there is no biological relationship between us and just assume, by very presence, that there MUST be.
Secretly, I like it. Not just because they unknowingly STICK IT to Maleficent, but also because it reaffirms my efforts at creating a unified home, free from the toxic mine-VS-yours, us-VS-them, step VS bio VS half attitudes.
Others don't see it.
And I LOVE that.
All they see is a family.
Parents and children.

As it should be.

Where is MY Oscar Nomination?

So, is that Cinderella's mother?
"Yep."
And... are you... OK with that?

I stared at the teacher blankly for a minute, standing in the middle of drama rehearsals as I watched Cinderella walk out with Maleficent (and Diablo) for her evening visitation.
The only audible sounds were those of my eyelids as I blinked HEAVILY in disbelief over the question and EXCITEDLY over the miriad of responses that were flooding my mind.
Was this woman SERIOUSLY asking me if I was OK with the fact that Maleficent was Cinderella's mother???
Of course not, but OHMYGOD if only I could answer that question honestly FOR ONCE.

Then I looked around for Allen Funt 'cuz clearly this was some kind of JOKE or TEST and there MUST be someone waiting in the wings ready to present me with a BIG HONKING GOLD MEDAL for exercizing self-restraint and not launching into a diatribe over my TRUE feelings about this woman... this so-called "mother" of my stepdaughter.

There were no medals, no golden statues, no rounds of applause.
Just my own self-satisfaction for being an adult and following the advice of my own personal hero, Thumper:

If you can't say something nice... don't say nothin' at all.

Watch Our Mario Andretti

Hansel entered his FIRST car for his FIRST Pinewood Derby!
Do you like the graphics? Hansel did them all by himself (with a little help from Prince Charming).
His race is this Sunday. Wish him luck!

First Steps Towards Stepping BACK

Last week's dread was yet another waste of my energy.
Visitation pick up time came and went. Maleficent did not come to the house. Did not call.
There was no confrontation.
Nothing.
Prince Charming had taken care of letting her know Cinderella would be at drama rehearsals so was to be picked up at school instead of home.
Of course I had to scold him a bit.
"It would have been nice if you told me that so I didn't spend half of the day worrying."
Of course I also realize that's not his problem.
It's mine.
And I did say that I needed to step back and NOT be involved so he was only abiding by my wishes.
He reassured me by saying Maleficent responded to say she already had the schedule and so she knew where and when to pick up Cinderella during her visitation days.
(Kudos to her for getting the info herself even if it did mean harassing Cindy's drama teacher in email. At least it wasn't ME.)
I spent the rest of the week trying NOT to think about custody, visitation or pending court dates (no, a date has NOT been set and no one has been notified).
I was able to enjoy time with the kids and my family ... for the MOST part.
Old habits die hard. I have spent the last ten years playing this game of chess where I try to anticipate Maleficent's next move and do everything I can to launch preemptive strikes.
It's difficult to change my mind set. But I am trying.
And am having small successes.

For example...
Cinderella's rehearsal schedule has been updated. She came home with a new schedule last Thursday but FORGOT to grab an extra copy for Maleficent.
AND... I did NOT rush to transcribe anything and email it to her, as I have been doing for the last year.
HOORAH! for me!!!!!
When Cinderella came home from her visitation she told me how Maleficent was "up her butt" all weekend about getting HER a new copy of the schedule and not to forget to call her Tuesday (yesterday) to let her know what her schedule was for Wednesday (today).
The poor kid was stressed and a little perturbed at her Mom for hounding her.
AND... I did NOT rush to transcribe anything or try to FIX anything!!!!
I let Cindy talk. I listened, empathized and then we MOVED ON to another subject.
Of course she forgot to grab her Mom a new schedule after yesterday's rehearsal and was stressing about it last night.
Mommy's going to be so mad.
I gave her the same advice I (and my thoughtful readers) have given myself:
"It's not your job to keep your Mother informed of that stuff. She is a grown-up and can take care of herself. She knows that she can call and get that information if she wants."
Yeah but she will never call you. Once she makes up her mind about someone she will NEVER change it no matter what you do or how nice you are.
"Then that's her choice. We can't worry about that. Mom will figure out where you are one way or another. Don't worry about it."

I do not know if Maleficent will come to our home today to pick up Cinderella.
And right now I do not care.
I am not worried.
I will not hide. I will not avoid the phone. I am a grown up and can handle a simple conversation which requires nothing more than a statement of facts:
"Hi. Cinderella is at rehearsals until 5:30. You can pick her up at the school. Thanks. Bye."

I will also BE AT rehearsals tonight (ONLY because my help is needed). So if Maleficent does NOT show up, Cinderella will not be stranded and she will have ME to bring her home.

Maybe between the two of us, we can create enough a support system to keep Maleficent's poison from seeping into our home.

Casting Call: Reality Show on Stepparenting

Please read the following from Pie Town Productions (the makers of "A Baby Story" on TLC):

Established non-fiction production company is casting all over the country for an OUTGOING, FUN family to be featured in their own series. Think "Jon & Kate Plus Eight..." We are looking for women about to transition from fabulous and single to STEPPARENT. Are you about to become an instant family? Are you a bit overwhelmed about the idea? We'd like to hear your story! This is a positive, upbeat show that parents of all types (step or otherwise) can relate to! To find out more information about the company and what we're looking for, please contact Ally at Reality_Casting@pietown.tv - please put "Instant Family!" in the subject line.

To see and learn more about Pie Town Productions, visit their website.