Coming Out

I'm bisexual.
She tells me as only a teen can. No segues, just a random let's-put-it-out-there-before-I-lose-my-courage kind of way.
Oh, and did I mention I WAS DRIVING AT THE TIME???
Seriously, Cinderella. Could you have picked a more dangerous tactic???
My mind swirled, the car swerved a bit.
I quickly re-gained control over both.
I asked her how she knew.
Maybe that's a naive question, but it's a valid one that any parent would ask when their child comes out to them. Right??
"Have you ever kissed a girl before?"
Yes.
"WITH TONGUE?!?!?!"
Eww....NO!
[A-HA! Now you see my point as to why I had to ask if she were sure????]

"Ok. And what about boys? Have you ever kissed one?"
Oh sure. Yeah.

[Wait... WHAT?????!!!!! I missed her first kiss? How the-fuck-come didn't she tell me????
Oh. Right. Ok. This isn't about me right now. *ahem*]

Again, I asked if she were sure she were bisexual.
Let's be clear. I am not homophobic. I want her to be happy. No matter what. And I don't want her to miss out on enjoying a meaningful relationship with either sex by getting caught up in some self-imposed label.
Being a teen is all about experimentation. Trying on different personalities, friends, and nowadays - sexual orientations. Boy. Girl. Or...whatever.
I don't care either way. As long as she is safe, and makes smart decisions, and is mindful of her behavior and her choices.
And this is what I tell her.
"Screw the labels. Have fun. Enjoy being a teen. Experiment. Try things on for size."
I don't think she was expecting me to say that.
But she was relieved...and a bit shocked.
Winning!

Little Hans(el)

Umm... Mommy, I can see your bra.

I straighten out his blanket and settle in next to him for our shoulder-to-shoulder nightly chat.

"It's OK honey. It's no big deal."

Umm... Mommy? You might want to button your top button 'cuz I can see your bra.

He averts his eyes and he continues his protests.

"Hansel, it's OK. I'm your Mom."

Well, Mommy ... sometimes when I see people's underwear or bras my penis sticks straight up. And that's kinda a bit of a problem.

*flipflipflipflip*

I quickly search through my repository of parenting wisdom.

This is one of those special teaching moments that we all love SO much as parents. 

But all I could do was think of how I had JUST recently showered with Hansel and OHMYGOD did he have an erection the entire time and I didn't notice?!?!?!?!?!?

*flipflipflipflip*

The response I came up with...?

I *giggled* people!

G-I-G-G-L-E-D.

Like a school girl.

And then exclaimed "REALLY?!?!?!?!?!?!"

He *giggled*.

Then we both *giggled*.

Hello, Dr. Freud. Nice to meet you. Loved your theories. They've prepared me well, as you can PLAINLY SEE.

Behold my mad parenting skillz.